


Your Only Friend

by ShyChangling



Category: Red vs. Blue
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Canon-Typical Violence, Child Soldiers, Childhood Sexual Abuse, Dehumanization, Dysphoria, Gen, Grooming, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, Implied/Referenced Rape/Non-con, Manipulation, Minor Original Character(s), Misgendering, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Threats of Rape/Non-Con, Trans Characters, Trauma, Unhealthy Relationships, age sliding, meta au, pocd
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-03-06
Updated: 2020-11-19
Packaged: 2021-02-26 14:20:55
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 15
Words: 24,569
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23033956
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ShyChangling/pseuds/ShyChangling
Summary: The Artificial Intelligence Program Theta. A Program based on Broken Trust.Agent North Dakota. Patronizing, fatherly, protective, platonic.A man who will destroy to protect and the embodiment of misplaced trust. Together in one body and soul.Where innocence is not what it seems. And the desire to be human is too strong for them to deny.
Relationships: Agent North Dakota & AI Program Theta (Red vs. Blue), One-Sided Agent North Dakota/AI Program Theta (Red vs. Blue)
Comments: 58
Kudos: 13
Collections: RvB hidden gems





	1. Starter's Point and the Man Who Will End it All.

**Author's Note:**

> Hey look its another long fic. This time based around some very personal trauma.
> 
> and who else to push that on then North and Theta.
> 
> The ship tag is a counting as a warning tag. 
> 
> There is no shipping content currently in chapter one. There is no current violence. This is merely the starting point of the fic.

The implantation process was supposedly a success. North is told to wait in a quiet room for Theta to make his eventual appearance. North was curious as to the type of AI Theta would be. Why he was singled out for this specific AI? Why his “Tender needs will be met” under North’s care.

It's an hour into the process of waiting. Silence. Nothing. Absolutely nothing. North taps at the window. “Hey. I think something’s wrong.” North still gets nothing. 

The doctor on stand by buzz into the room. “You’re dismissed, North Dakota.”

“Do we take it out?”

“No need. The Counselor believes it may take a moment longer for the AI to become used to you.” The doctor pauses and then buzzes back in. “If there is no contact by the morning we will work on coaxing the AI out in a group.”

North takes his leave from the ward and takes the long walk back to his own room.

North scrunches his nose. There’s a tickle in the back of his head as he walks. He hopes he doesn’t get a headache from this.

No one else has gotten headaches though. Not previous to him. York said it was a tickle first. Wyoming says it was an annoyance.

It's a rather strange thought. York and Delta were instant to meet each other. Wyoming and Gamma only took minutes.

Is there something wrong with his AI? Or the implantation process? Perhaps… It's himself that’s wrong. That it's him that’s not being approachable enough. He did remember the AI had tender needs.

So he sits in his room. Feeling his fingers along the implantation mark. “Theta?”

North is speaking softly. He will work to see if he can do this on his own. “Theta, can you come out?”

There’s that tickle again in the back of his head. 

“No.”

North hears the words so clearly. “Hello?” It's inside his head but North answers verbally outside it. That seems logical to do. If he answers inside his head, it will only mix with the new voice. That North has deciphered must be his AI.

“Don’t.” He says, so scared and nervous.

North takes off his helmet and sets it on his bed. That’s when the AI decides to form on top of the helmet. North puts a hand over his mouth and lets out a small gasp. As the AI trickles down from lights into a form befitting himself.

Theta.. Theta is so small. Even compared to Delta or Gamma. He’s in armor but North would certainly compare this AI to a child of fifteen. 

“Theta? Don’t what?”

“Don’t hurt me.”

North feels a ping of his heart and lifts up his helmet to see Theta up close.

Theta almost seems to move as if his balance was interrupted. Theta glitches and regains balance on the helmet. He stumbles once as he forces himself steady.

That’s odd. Isn’t it? Then again North knows very little about Holograms and AI and maybe they’re programmed to be motion sensitive.

Theta bursts into light a moment coiling back further away from North’s gaze. North realizes he’s perchance startled the child. AI? Teenager? North shakes his head trying to focus back his sight and watches Theta standing in an almost curled way. Back hunched, helmet pointed down and away. 

Like… like if he were physically real and here. He’d be beaten.

Who would program an AI to act like this?

“Theta, it's okay. I’m the only one who is here. You don’t need to be scared.”

\--

Theta went offline after that. The night was plagued with anxiety. North tossed and turned. Eventually getting up to wander the halls till it all passed and he may sleep. He finds the tickle in the back of his head lessened and Theta seems to flash occasionally in his head.

He finds himself back in his room. North blinks a moment and is sitting on his bed. He squints his eyes and Theta flashes again on his helmet’s hologram.

He says nothing. Just hunched and disperses again as North raises his hand to attempt to comfort the small AI.

North realizes then. That it is time to be awake anyway. And he needed to see to report that Theta had made himself known finally.

“Please… I don’t want to talk to them.”

North hears in the back of his mind. He feels along the back of his neck for the AI chip. “Its okay. I think I can handle you myself just fine.” He’s just a child after all, right. He counts enough as a child that North gives into that trust building in his thoughts. And now all he needs is for himself to earn Theta’s trust in return.

“But we both will have to talk to the doctors eventually.”

\--

North sits in the same room he was before. He sits on the bed and waits on the doctors. They take his vitals. Ask him questions. And Finally the head doctor and the Councilor come in.

The Counselor takes a clipboard out and has the doctor stay on standby. North watches him with a strange closeness. Watching him tap the top of his clipboard with a pencil. Its silent in the room. Weirdly silent. And then North realizes the Counselor has been talking the whole time.

North jolts his head up. “I’m sorry. I didn’t get a lot of sleep last night. Can you repeat that?”

The Counselor jots that down. “I asked if there had been any progress and anything… out of place for you emotionally, physically?”

“Theta.. Theta approached me last night.” There’s that tickle in his head. That nervousness slipping into North’s own body. That anxiety that kept him up all night.

“Is that why you had little sleep?” the Counselor turns to the doctor and nods to her. Telling her to ..

North didn’t catch it. It was something to do with water. A drink, Theta buzzes in his thoughts. North tries to gently brush Theta to be silent when he’s trying to think as this is all very very new to him.

The room is silent again as the Counselor taps on his clipboard. “It was probably a mistake to have you go to your own room last night. There seems to be a lot of distractions for you and we couldn't’ monitor your sleep with Theta implanted in you.”

That sends a jolt of uncomfortable feelings through North’s gut. And there’s a flash of someone being pushed into the bed and. North swallows to interrupt his own thoughts.

“Yeah. Probably. But it was the only way Theta seemed okay with coming forward.” North interjects.”

The Counselor looks at him tilting his head. “What else is the issue, North?”

The anxiety spikes. “Is it normal. To have thoughts that you don’t normally have after implantation?”

“It is very common. We’ve calculated that York and Wyoming both took a week to have their mind adjust to a new …. Entity. It won’t be long before those pass.”

There’s a spike of rage that so quickly subsides. “I see. That’s good cause I do not think I’m field ready for this.”

“You won’t be put on the field till later when we are certain you and Theta intermingled well enough.” The Counselor assures him.

The doctor returns with two glasses of water. She nods to North. “Sometimes re-hydration helps.”

North takes the glass as the Counselor takes the other. There’s actual silence in the room as the others allow North to gulp down the water to relax and think.

The session would continue like this for some time. Eventually time ran out and the doctor notes to North.

“Remember, you have an entity with their own memories in your mind. Extra thoughts and odd memories will be normal and soon they will be in the back of the mind as you and your AI eventually come to understand each other.” She says with no change from her usual bored expression. “You’ll be off mission for a few days to the full two weeks. And don’t forget tomorrow we would like to visit and talk with Theta themself.”

The Counselor then interrupts and points out. “If you have more questions please, do go speak with Wyoming and York. They will have the personal experiences you are having now. And.. speaking with peers of similar situations will be much more productive,”

\--

The next morning. And still no sleep. He talks with the doctor and they simply tell him it might be a while before sleep will be proper. They again remind him to seek out his peers. They finally manage Theta forward, but other then getting him to project Theta stays silent and acts like a kicked wounded child.

\--

York was unfortunately out on a stealth mission with Florida, and wouldn't return till the day after. Which meant Wyoming was still off duty as he adjusted to Gamma. It wasn’t the most ideal situation but it wasn’t as though Wyoming was a bad person. But .. well.. Wyoming acted a little different after Gamma’s implantation.

Wyoming sits in the lunchroom. Flirting. With. Oh god dammit. North hurries over sets his tray of lunch down on the table South and Wyoming were currently occupying. Wyoming sitting in his spot at the edge and South leaning her hands on the table as she stands.

Wyoming chuckles with a grin and he glances slyly over to North. “Ah, and here he is. Big brother to cock block.”

South rolls her eyes. “So you finally decided to grace us with your presence? I thought I finally got rid of you so I could mess around in peace.”

North has a small glare at them and then covers his mouth with his fist and clears his throat. “I didn’t get much sleep.”

Wyoming lightly smiles. “Finally got your AI I take it?”

South huffs and slams her ass on her seat to finally sit. It should really of been her that got an AI. After all the only reason she started bumping down was because of the stealth mission. It was a success. Sure she improvised and jeopardized everything but it still was a success.

North looks over at her seeing she’s still angry over the Cryo mission. “I only got to talk a little with them.. But Wyoming since you’re still off the mission requests. Can we talk?”

South scowers and puts a hand under her chin letting her head look away from them. “Sure whatever. Go ahead and talk. Not like me and Wyoming were having a serious discussion or anything.”

North dismisses her lightly. “You can flirt any other time. I’m sorry, but the only other person I can ask advice for this is on mission.”

South grabs her tray and stands storming away. She makes her annoyance with the situation loud. Scoffing and growling. She’ll go harass Wash. Least they won’t turn her away.

“You really don’t know that you do this do you.” Wyoming hums under his breath. Then clears his throat and folds his hands on top of eachother pushing his tray away. “Goodness lad, you look like shit.”

North snorts. “Two nights no sleep. From the feel of Theta’s anxiety. Might have a worse one tonight.”

“Ah.” Wyoming says lazily and puts a hand under his head holding it up. “Gamma was not that awful with me. His worst offense was telling too many jokes.”

North scrunches his face a moment. “His? Wasn’t Gamma a .”

“Ah aaa. Not your place to pick that apart.” Wyoming grins. “But yes. Gamma is a he now. That’s what matters.”

It's here the AI projects. Gamma stands there polite. Very different then the last time North had caught a glimpse of him. Gamma had projected with longer hair last time. Now it's gone.

“I like Gary as a name now as well. I am debating on keeping it.”

“Oh have you now?” Wyoming smiles amused to his small companion.

North nods lightly. “I’ll keep that in mind.” Gary’s voice was very monotone. It would take a moment to get used to.

Gary looks up to North and doesn’t make any indication of being happy. “Thank you.” Gary projects higher up. “May I ask Theta’s preferences before I speak of them?”

“That’s um.” North rubs the back of his head. “Well. I don’t really know any yet. It hasn’t. They haven’t really told me much of anything. I think he’s a boy though, that feels correct.”

Gary tilts his head. There’s almost an angry look on his face from the first slip up.

Wyoming places his hand under Gary and moves him down to the table. “Can we speak with him?”

“I think it might be a little bit longer before he trusts me. I already had to have him come out earlier for the check up. I think forcing them out again might be.” More so he doesn't’ want to up the anxiety of the head space. Theta’s already panicking. Flickering in his thoughts. Burning, aching. Stomach turning. “I think… I should go back to my room.” North stands and it feels like everything is crumbling in on itself.

It goes dark. And he falls to the floor with a loud thump.


	2. Age is an Algorithm

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Diary Entry
> 
> Theta begins to slowly and then very quickly grow confidence. The first day of training made him burst with life.
> 
> Unfortunately I think. I realized why I'm unable to sleep.
> 
> Agent North Dakota

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> NUSW chapter 17 is underway. While I was working on plotting that last night. I was kicked in the face with inspiration for this fic.
> 
> No I don't know when I'll post the next chapter. Could be tomorrow. Could be next month. I don't not control the output of my writing lmao.
> 
> BUT warning for panic attack later in the chapter.

It's dark in the mind. North floats calming in the space of nothingness. Something whispers softly in his ears.

“I’m sorry.”

So hushed and frightened. Wanting to curl away as far as possible. 

“I didn’t mean to make you fall.”

North tries to look in the darkness of his mind. He sees someone small and brightly lit.

And then he wakes.

\--

Wyoming lets out a small sigh. “Well seems you got yourself a small nap in, haven't you?” He jests to lighten the mood. He helps North sit up in the ward bed. Grasping onto North’s hand letting him squeeze it to allow North to test his strength.

“What happened?”

“You passed out in the mess hall.” South says as she hurries into the room with a hot cup of tea on a plate. “You really fucking had me worried you know that!”

“Sorry…” North isn’t the one to say it. It slipped out but it wasn’t his words.

North feels his forehead and looks at the tea handed to Wyoming. North’s so focused on the spoon swirling the tea that he doesn’t notice the lights dancing in front of his eyes.

He’s startled backwards as Gamma projects near him. “Knock, knock.”

North takes a deep intake of breath and starts to cough on his own air.

Wyoming begins to chuckle as he sips his tea. “Gary, my boy. Don’t do that. Not when we are in the medical ward.”

Gary frizzles his data like it was a huff.

“Were you worried too?” North asks.

“You are supposed to respond with Who’s There.” Gary frizzles again.

North blinks staring down at him. “Maybe another time. I’m still a bit.. Frazzled.” He smiles and feels the back of his neck along the AI port. “I think.. I think I made Theta nervous.” That must of been what happened.

South crosses her arms looking at her brother. She scrunches up her nose and then her face softens. “Well that and the fact you got what. Two nights of no sleep?”

North waves his hand to dismiss that. “Its not too big a problem. Theta’s… Theta’s special.”

She scrunches her nose again. “Special how?”

“He’s…. A Smart AI of what I think is a kid.”

Wyoming pauses his tea drinking and glances his eyes slowly over to North. Like he picks up on something not right.

“Oh boy. You’re babysitting an AI and only getting paid to put your life on the line.” South says with the driest sarcasm she can muster. She’s almost glad she was skipped out for this one. She in NO WAY wants to be a parental figure. Especially not to some glorified game projection.

Gary backs up from North’s sight as another patch of light slowly combines into pixels forming Theta.

Theta bows apologetically and stutters with his body glitching. “I’m sorry for causing so much trouble!!”

North winces and looks down. “Theta.. Its okay, kid.”

Wyoming raises his brow and looks to Gamma. Gamma looks over to Wyoming and says nothing, no indication of anything.

Wyoming opens his mouth and then he’s interrupted by the head doctor.

“You’re free to go Agent North. Remember you still have training later this evening.”

South glares at the woman. And North grabs her arm. Startling Theta to disperse again.

“They’re going to put you into training after you fucking passed out in the mess hall!? You are obviously not okay enough for training yet.”

“If it was my call I’d have him sleep it all off for the day. But we’re on schedule, Agent South Dakota.” The doctor snarks back. “We are starting him on target practicing. It's not like we’re doing live bullet training yet.” She almost smirks. “That’s tomorrow's work.”  
\--

It took four hours but North makes it late in the night to the training room. Mostly cleared out and looks up at the viewing bay. Wyoming is there with South. Gamma, Gary is projected. Its hard to tell but North can see that light blue blur near Wyoming's head. The doctor is there as well.

Guess they were still worried even after all that time had passed.

He sighs. Just two days of monitored training. That’s all that he needs to suffer.

North sets his sniper to his side and holds out his hand. “Alright, Theta. Guess what time it is. Time for practice.”

Theta seems to listen to that much more eagerly than the time he needed to come forward during the check up and mental eval. Theta in fact seems almost excited. North can feel his heart racing.

Well he’ll take it then! North bops Theta’s hologram to hold in the air and quickly takes his sniper. Firing into a target near perfectly. Adjusting to the calculations running through the helmet’s screen.

Missing only the center and hitting the first ring. He fires again. Then a third. Aim surpassing the last.

Fylss chirps online. “Readying moving targets.”

North feels his heart beating nearly out of his chest. This is exciting in a way he wasn’t used to this being so strong. He peaks his eyes at Theta. Who looks just as excited from his body language. Well makes sense. There’s no return fire so there’s no reason to be nervous.

And Theta gets a stress reliever through North.

Wait. Why is that a weird thought to have?

“Focus! The target’s getting away!” Suddenly there’s a sharp redirection in his thoughts and North aims his gun and fires before the target reaches the out of bounds line. 

Theta bounces and fritzes excitedly. He looks at North and starts to spark then bursts his pixels a moment.

“No you did great! You’re doing fine. Keep up whatever you’re doing.”

The worst that will happen is an emotional crash from this adrenaline high is all. Maybe he might not need to wait a full two weeks to recover after all.

\--

And he crashes hard. Theta quickly frightens away after training is over. Leaving North feeling a little bitter, drained and fuck did he forget to eat today? His focus was so much on psyching Theta up for the training room that North forgot to eat at all after waking up from the medical ward.

He didn’t even get a chance to eat lunch.

He gets back to his room grabbing a snack from a bender machine. The mess hall is closed and all he can have is this for the moment.

Theta pops up. North relaxes. That’s good, that must mean Theta feels more confident being seen.

Its.. odd though.. He looks smaller again. He doesn't have armor, just a night dress projected over his.. Her? North is too tired to figure this out. “Theta?”

“Yes…”

“You are a boy right?”

“I’m an AI.”

\--

North plops onto his bed. So tired. He should really change into something more comfortable to sleep in.

Theta flashes as a thought in his mind. 

North realizes he’d have to strip out of his suit. He’d have to strip out of his suit. He’d have to strip out of his suit.

“Why is that a problem, Agent North Dakota?” Theta projects still in that sleepers dress.

North’s face pales. He feels his stomach grow sick. He puts a hand over his mouth and looks over to Theta. Who’s so small and vulnerable.

“I.. I can’t undress if you’re here Theta….”

The worst part about this ordeal is. Only now does it feel like a problem. Now that Theta is making himself more bold and allowing himself to be seen more.

That he might be watching. And might be hurt by what he sees.

North covers his mouth again. Paling more and more. 

Theta’s just a child. Theta’s just a child. Theta’s just a child.

“I’m an AI.” He says trying to bring comfort to his Freelancer.

North nearly throws up.


	3. Convolution of Thought

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Journal Entry
> 
> Agent North Dakota seems to view me as a child. Which is not entirely correct. But I don't want to make things more awkward for eachother.
> 
> Live ammo-ed turrets is the test today. And I am excited. Its a chance to prove myself. Isn't it? Perhaps here North will see me less of.. a child in an organic way.
> 
> Theta

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So this is probably the longest chapter I've ever written for something. at about 8 pages of words. So yay
> 
> Warning for panic attacks this chapter.

As it turns out knocking out yourself with pills to sleep means waking up is even worse a pain. North sits up. Feels his undersuit and groans. Yeah, yeah. Didn’t change because…

Because … there’s no point in saying things. There’s no real way to word a situation like this.

Theta projects on North’s night stand rocking on his heels back in armor. Figuring it was his face he chose that caused North’s panic. “I’m sorry about last night. I thought it would help us get along if I had a face.”

North feels his heart tug. “No. No it's okay. I just, I just didn’t want you to see anything that might hurt you.”

“What could I have seen that would hurt me? I have information that most of your injuries from the past year have healed and your only scar happens to be on your face. And I see that plenty.”

“Theta. That’s not… Look, you’re a child.” But Theta looks older at this moment. His proportions are longer and more evened. North decides to ignore that and keep talking. “I don’t want to scar a child’s mind by getting naked in their presence.”

Theta seems to shrink. And hurdle his body, hunching over. “Oh. Is that the issue. So it was me that made you uncomfortable.” Just like he thought at his very core.

North looks over Theta and feels like he fucked up bad. “No. Don’t it's okay. It was just a panic attack on my end. It's not your fault.” It's never the child’s fault.

“But.. you wouldn’t be like this if I hadn’t shown my face.”

“No no! Listen. This is just.. Its just four days we’ve been together. There’s still a lot of stuff we gotta get over the bridge with.” North wonders what he needs to do about this.

Theta lifts his head up to look at North. “If.. it makes you more comfortable. You can take me out when you need privacy.” Theta starts to fritz rather loudly. Static bouncing off his data. “Just…. Just promise you won’t forget to put me back.”

North scoops his hands under the data projection and lifts Theta up. “I won’t. I promise. Everything will be just fine.”

\--

Finally North is allowed to eat. He’s still in the same suit. No need to change today. Theta was much too anxious for that. And North wants to earn Theta’s trust. Why though? Why does he want Theta’s trust? There’s that stupid feeling again. One that makes his mind scramble all because he’s getting crossed fucked up wires about this. He doesn’t want to hurt Theta. That’s all. He wants to prove to Theta he won’t hurt him.

That’s it.

So why does he want to throw up again.

“I’m sorry.”

North smiles setting his helmet on the side of his tray. “Don’t be. I’ll talk to the Counselor about this.”

“Please don’t!”

North looks down at the AI. Theta projected standing on the empty part of his plate. “Why not? He’ll be able to help us figure a way to filter all these awful emotions.”

“Ask.. ask that York guy that’s always on your mind! The one with the broken eye you think is sexy.” Try and lighten everything!

North chokes on his mashed potatoes. “Theta! Don’t go digging in my head!”

Theta recoils. “I’m sorry!! It was just something that you said in the dream space.” He looks down and then to the side away from North’s eyes. “Should I not… Should I not interact with your dreams?”

“Dreams… It was only in a dream?” North can’t be too mad or scold the kid for that. That was just… that was obviously an accident. “What did you see in my dreams?”

“Nothing much. Just you and York engaging in training.”

“Yeah. Right that’s right. That’s all I was dreaming about, good.” North lets out a long relieved sigh. “Be careful in dreams, Theta. I can’t control what you see in those.”

“I understand.”

\--

North puts on his helmet. It's a good point now to talk to York. York’s the one who’s had an AI longest. He’ll know if it's normal to feel gross.

Unfortunately York is with Washington and that’s not a conversation he wants to have in front of Wash. Washington waves his hand to usher North over.

“How you feeling, North. Heard you took a fall yesterday. Get into any fights with your sister that might of caused this?” York snorts and takes off his helmet. “Good to see you on your feet though. Thought I’d have to find you in the infirmary.”

Washington tilts his head at York as if scolding him for joking at all about that sort of thing.

“What? It's a legit question.”

North chuckles and crosses his arms. “The worst fight I ever got with my sister is when I nearly drew blood biting her. In my defense. She stole my barbies.”

Washington looks over to North, paled. Unsure if North is joking or being serious.

York gets a laugh out of it. “God you were a little shit weren’t you.”

“The worst.” North grins behind his helmet. “Oh. By the way. I do in fact have my AI now. I was thinking. Theta this is to you too.” North says into the air. “That this might be another good opportunity for you to come out and interact?”

Its silent and Theta pipes in North’s head. “Is it safe?”

“They’re assholes but they’re my assholes. So it's fine.”

There’s a snicker out of York and Washington makes a protesting sound in his throat.

North holds his hand out and allows Theta to project on his hand. Another hand in front of him to hide the surprise. North pulls back his hand with a small Tada from his mouth.

Theta nearly dispurses and fumbles on his hand. “Careful!! I’m not used to your movements yet!!”

North pauses and nods. “Sorry kiddo.” North bops his hand under Theta’s feet so he may hold his hologram in place suspended in the air.

Theta’s pixels fidget around him making him look blurry and showing his nervousness. He watches closely to York. The one that North apparently has infatuations for. It was different, seeing him in person. The realm of the dream certainly romanticized him. Then there was Washington.

Washington rubs the back of his head. “Well, I wasn’t expecting him…. To be so.. Small.”

Theta fritzes. Small, small, small. That’s all they ever focus on isn’t it.  
Washington clears his throat and tries to talk again. “Hey there, little… guy?”

Theta burns a moment and dispurses.

Washington tenses. “What I do?”

“You offended the baby.” York says laughing. Delta then pops up on his shoulder.

“York. I think it is not wise to antagonize an AI. Theta may be younger but they still deserve a form of respect.” 

“You’re no fun sometimes, Dee.”

North scrunches his face. “Hold on I’ll see if he’s okay.” 

Washington looks over at him confused and before he can ask what he means. North’s ears shut off outside sound. Focusing only on the inner thoughts of the brain.

\--

In the dark space of mind.

Theta sits with his knees to his chest upside down in the darkness. Glowing lightly there.

“Theta? Theta what’s wrong.” North asks softly.

“We were only going to ask York about how to handle thoughts right? Why can’t we just do that and get to target practice.”

“Because Washington is here and he wouldn’t understand the AI issue.”

“I’m an issue?” Theta looks over to him. If being an AI is an issue can he be something more than that? Can he be something that’s given respect?

“Not.. like that.” North tries to correct. “I just. York and Wyoming are the only ones that really understand what it's like to have an AI in their head. And I'm closer to York than Wyoming.”

“Then tell Washington to leave!!” Theta stands. “You shooed your sister away. Why is Washington different?”

“It's not Wash that’s the problem…”

\--

North breaks out of his trance at the sound of York asking a question that North could only catch the end half of it.

“Say.. Say again?”

“I asked would Theta be more comfortable talking to another AI? Seeing as Washington here scared him off.”

Washington’s fluster was easily read on his body language. It's not his fault he has no idea how to talk to kids. Or AI. Or most people here in Freelancer all together.

North scrunches his face. “I .. That’s not really the rules.”

“It's fine trust me, Delta’s great with people. Half the time.”

“Well.. maybe quickly.” North says quietly. “Theta? Can we try again?” North holds his hand out forward.

There’s silence for a good minute. Theta then slowly projects himself behind North’s shoulder. Peeking up behind it to watch Delta a moment. Trying to figure out things to say. Speaking to new people was always the worst. Never anything to say. Never anything to point out.

North was different though. They didn’t really start with an introduction. Just Theta nervous and North comforting.

These people here Theta couldn’t give much care for. He just wanted to get to target practice and then they can go to sleep.

Sleep was fun. Dreams were fun. Training is fun.

Talking to new people is not one bit fun.

But Theta moves forward and swallows his pride.

“Hello, Theta. As York would have me say. It is a pleasure to meet you.”

“Dee, you can’t say that part. You gotta make the kid feel actually welcomed. God you’re so dense sometimes.” York crosses his arms with a long disgruntled sigh.

Delta glitches from the soft scolding. “Yes of course. I shall rewrite my greeting.” Delta nods and bows slightly.

“Too formal. Dee.” York says with even softer amusement.

Delta stands straight. “Hello, Theta. I am Artificial Intelligence Program, Delta. I hope we may get along from here on.”

York has a hand over his mouth. Still abit formal. But it will do, he supposes.

Theta relaxes and moves to stand on North’s shoulder. He then notices a shift in balance as North takes a step back so Theta is in front of him.

“I. It’s a pleasure to talk to meet you as well.”

It really isn’t. This whole ordeal feels condescending and tedious. But Delta can’t stop playing along or risk another scolding from the hypocrite Freelancer, Agent York. Who seems to act like he knows best. Even though he himself treated Theta ill-manneredly getting himself scolded by Delta himself.

Scolding cycles. These things will become tiresome for sure.

Theta glitches hiding his annoyance. “North… we’re almost behind schedule and I see on your tracker that people are approaching.”

North looks to Theta. “Right, right. Its best we get to the training hall.” He didn’t remember turning on his tracker, on the MOI of all places. That was strange.

“Don’t forget the other thing!!” Even if Theta hates the idea of talking more to York, North needs it and perhaps maybe he just needs another chance.

“Right.” North looks over to York. “Mind if we chat in private after this.”

Washington frowns under his helmet. Seems he’ll be out of the loop on yet another thing in the trio. Why was he always such a third wheel.

York sensing Washington’s frustration pats his shoulder. “Yeah course. I’ll meet you in your room.” He says looking back to North. He then holds his hand to Delta and allows him to disperse. 

Right in time. As there would be no scolding from the Director or the Counselor. Who spend very little time ushering North to the training floor.

With an upgrade in his holo shield. “I understand you are adjusting to Theta with little issue.” The Director says as if it's a statement of fact. “At least no physical issues.”

North nods. “Well..”

“It can wait till after the trial, Agent North. We are here to observe your second training day and determine where you should work on improvements.” The Director starts to walk past him expecting the man to follow.

North does and behind him trail the other Agents and Counselor. North looks to the Director. 

“You can relax, Agent.”

“I am relaxed.”

“Are you?”

\--

North readies his sniper. Five minutes till they start the training. The Trial run with live ammo. North feels distracted with other things. Mostly how to talk to York about-

His mind is forcibly moved to a different direction. There’s Fylss announcement on the coms.

“Two minutes till deployment of Turrets. Please be ready or announce that you are not yet suitable for this task currently.”

She shuts off her com as the Director up top the viewing bay seems to be saying something. Possibly to her.

She’s right though. North shouldn’t focus on anything but the live ammo round.

Theta projects and North stands ready. That adrenaline like before starting to kick in.

“Readying round.”

North holds his gun steady. “Shield up now.”

Theta obeys and the shield bursts forth. The holo shield, or possibly better called a hard light shield to Theta’s standards holds. Theta keeps careful watch on the shield’s power.

“Perfect job!” North states with a hearty burst of energy. He hopes this doesn’t lead to another hard crash like yesterday. 

“Focus!!” Theta says harsly. Both from North’s words and his wandering thoughts.

That’s an odd spike in emotions. Another spike in energy. 

Suddenly there’s a drop in the shield's power. Another spike. This time anxiety. Theta is going to panic. He was so looking forward to this. To show off. To prove respect and prove his usefulness. Not just be some ‘child’ that North was determined to see him as.

“Redirect power!” North shouts and it's enough to pull Theta out of thought for the moment and focus power on the singular area.

“It's okay, Theta. It's okay.”

“Shut up!” Theta tries to focus more as the turrets begin to move. 

There’s a flash in North’s mind of death. Of the bullets breaking through the hold. There’s Freelancers laying dead on the ground in the dark of the MOI. There’s a person in the dark on top of the bodies covering their ears. Terrified.

“It will be your fault if Agent North Dakota falls here,” it sounds like the Director on the coms.

North breaks out of the trance but there’s no one on the coms now. 

“Theta, drop shield fragment four on my mark.” North says. 

Theta is panicking. Theta fritzes and splinters. His colours almost pulling him apart. And his armor is gone. Leaving him with nothing but his face and an undersuit. Terrified. 

North calls up. “Enough! Fylss!! Emergency stop!”

“I’m afraid the Director has vetoed that action. If you wish to stop, please destroy all turrets. Good luck.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And yes this is supposed to end at a cliff hanger


	4. Fast to Finish Slow to Progress.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Diary Entry
> 
> Theta's not talking to me. Theta won't say much at all. I'm scared for him. I'm not sure what I can do for something so fragile.
> 
> North Dakota

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> mentions of sex ed this chapter.
> 
> I was debating on cutting this in half having only the action but then... I don't think it would work that well. So we get ot keep the 5 pages for this chapter

North dodges as a turret breaks through holo shield fragment 4. Fuck. Theta must of remembered the order but couldn’t comprehend what exactly was meant to be done. North moves along one of the fragment shields. Thinking. He needs to be quick. 

Holo shield four comes back online, number six shuts off. North notices another splintering shield. Shit. Okay so now he has an idea what actually is going on. Theta can’t control so many at once. Eight is the limit. 

The turrets are changing course again. They’re moving around more and more. Moving backwards. Following patches designated in the ground.

“Fylss! Set up obstacles!”

“Can not deploy. Request denied.”

Fuck. Yeah, the Director sure was putting a lot of pressure on this.

North looks to Theta who’s glitching up a mad storm. One could almost see it as crying. Crying AI is a distressful thing to look at.

North is quickly brought back to the present and rolls out of another holo fragment bursting out of existence as Theta tries to regain control of the area. He takes this opportunity to fire finally at the turret.

It hits its top and the gun swings firing backwards. North hits again under it and severs the wires.

Good. One less turret to deal with. “Theta! Can you hear me!”

There’s electricity bouncing off the hologram. The sound of bullets, spritzing wires and lines of static make so much noise. North isn’t sure his voice is reached.

So North does the one thing he can think of. He rolls out of the safety zone. The turrets follow him and North takes out two in their row before rolling back into safety. 

“You’re doing great kid. Just keep tracking the movement. I trust you.”

Theta wails at the sound. He’s like a small terrified storm of electric wrath. North can see Theta is only focused on keeping up with the movement of the turrets. So he repeats his strategy of roll out and take out.

The third time he does it he’s grazed at the top of his helmet and North knows certainly he saw all the shield fragments glitch off before regaining power.

North is quick to jump back into the shield as it gains full power again. The last four turrets are hailing hard on the shield. North feels his neck start to burn. He moves slowly over to Theta and realizes it is actual real electricity running off the hologram.

“Theta! Theta it's okay. We got the full shield again.”

“I don’t want to do it anymore.” Comes his voice. So full of static he sounds inhuman.

And finally the electricity stops. The pelting of bullets comes to a slow halt.

North drops his gun, takes his hands under Theta’s holo cupping it and letting it adjust to his movements. He slowly lowers Theta down. “Shhh. It’s okay. It's okay now.”

Theta is curled into a ball covering his head.

Seems the Director got what he wanted out of this session. And looks like he might not be taking the field any time soon if Theta reacts this poorly to live ammo.

\--

“May I ask what in the world that was down there, North?” The Director asks as he comes into the training room.

“I .. I don’t know sir.” North states as he gains a calm exterior again. All that adrenaline. Slowly leaving his side. “Theta was fine till the shield’s power depleted suddenly.”

York looks rather angrily at the Director. But seems to be keeping his mouth shut. 

The Director is now focused on The Counselor. 

“Agent North, we would like to start things more slowly for the AI starting two days from now. It seems we may have underestimated the trauma of implanting an AI like Theta right into the fire field.” The Counselor buzzes in. “We would like to start the rest of today off with talking. Just talking and easing the AI’s fears.”

North is glad his disgust is hidden behind his helmet. “Yes, sir.”

\--

York meets North outside his room. North had to have another visit with the head Doctor. And while she determined nothing was physically wrong she wanted North to take up another full days rest.

Which meant North had a full day to wait to talk to York about the ...problem. But here York already was. With generic beer that York had stashed from the kitchen.

North smiles softly and decides to let him in. He checks his head. But Theta is so far back that there is no way to reach him.

North wishes he was more stern with canceling the training session. This is his fault. This is his doing. Theta is someone who can not make his own decisions and North needs to take responsibility. Not only for today's blunder but for all the thoughts and disgust he’s been feeling over this entire situation.

York holds out a beer to him. “Here. It's warm. But it's better that way.”

North blinks as if he’s not actually there and then smiles. “Gross.” North opens it and takes a seat on his bed.

“So.. you still want to talk?” York asks him as he opens his beer can, sitting by him. “You did kind of go through some fucked up shit in the training room.” York almost laughs and keeps himself from it. “They.. aren't going to take Theta away are they?”

“No. The Director says the damage was done by the upgraded shield. Apparently they didn’t test it well enough before giving it out to an Agent. So I’m keeping the previous holoshield till the new one is smoothed out.”

York lets out a deep relieved sigh. “Oh thank god. Cause I was real worried for that kid down there.”

“It was.. It was bad, York. But apparently I was “praise worthy” for handling the situation. That he could shut down at any time but… that’s passed now.”

North drinks his warm can of beer and thinks deeply into it. Seeing the glint of the liquid bouncing off light.

“York.” North finally says. “Do you have… thoughts about your AI?” Start small.

“Thoughts? Well yeah, of course.” York sets his beer on the bed side table. “But I’m thinking its a little more complicated than probably what I’m thinking of.” Delta in tiny fancy suits. Which the AI refuses to model for him. York makes a brief moment to pout at the idea then shakes his head to focus. “Right your problem.”

North snorts and then rubs the back of his neck. “I get. Intrusive thoughts about Theta. Like nothing too horrible, I just. I think it was Theta at least. I had a thought of someone pushed onto a bed… and I’ve felt disgusted with myself since Theta’s been more active in my head.”

York tilts his head to the side. “Can you elaborate a bit. Are you scared you’re gonna think that thought again and Theta’s gonna be in it?”

“Yes. I.. Theta’s just a kid. I can’t be thinking about these things when I have a child in my head, York!”

“Woah. Okay that’s. That’s definitely an issue. And I think the most important thing here to remember is, you’re uncomfortable. Therefore it's not you that’s the problem.” York takes his beer again and sips once. “But um. I’m not saying it's Theta’s either. Brains are fucked up, man.”

North relaxes. “I know. I can barely get dressed, or feel able to shower.” North’s eyes dance briefly. “I don’t want Theta to see anything like that.”

York sighs. “Hey. Remember when you were little yourself. And you’d walk about in your underwear.”

North scrunches his nose. “Yeah? Where are you going with this.”

“Being shirtless at the least won’t hurt Theta. And if it comes down to it you can.” York is interrupted. 

Delta projects. “By my calculations. Theta has likely seen an anatomy like yourself on the internet. Perhaps in your own memories. Regardless. If you are uncomfortable, please do remove Theta temporarily so that you may ease both your discomforts.”

“Thanks Dee. That’s actually a bit more helpful than how I was gonna say it.” He had no idea how to actually say it.

“Okay that is a plan both me and Theta have. And Dee, That’s really not helping much as York hopes. The idea that Theta already knows my anatomy or anything like that is unnerving.”

“We all are equipped with basic anatomical information. Then again, since I am combined with the healing unit I am best suited to know anatomy and health. With that in mind, I may be overestimating his knowledge.”

North looks back into his drink and takes a long gulp. “Right. He’s like what. Fifteen, sixteen maybe. His previous body had to of taken sex ed at some point. Still, I’m not sure how I feel about any of this. I don’t… want to hurt him.”

“Where is Theta by the way?” York asks looking over to North.

“He’s retreated for the moment.” North sets his drink down and feels the back of his neck. “He really got freaked out back there. Apparently he thought I was going to die and he’d be blamed.”

Delta projects himself onto the bed stand and waits on them. He was not done trying to help but York would scold him for interrupting.

“Poor kid. But you could take this time to take him out and wash up. You look really fucking awful dude.”

North nods and feels his neck again. Hand shaking. “I don’t want him scared and alone.”

York stands and finishes his beer. “Suit yourself. But you’ve been in your suit for three days? I think? You’re gonna have to clean up soon.”

North nods. “Like the Counselor told me. “If it helps to ease your thoughts. Think of this as an artificial extension of yourself.”

Delta nods. “That is a very good analogy for this. I will archive that as well for us.”

With that. York leaves. Waving to North at the door. “Hopefully Theta will relax and come out again. I really did like the kid, he’s got a cute attitude.”

North thought he had seen Wyoming in the corner of the hallway looking to his door before walking away. Guess he must have been worried too.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Alright! I really should be focusing on NUSW but this fic has so much of my attention I'm sorry guys! So I'm gonna try and force myself to hiatus at this part and then work on the last bits of NUSW


	5. What Is Real. What is Grief.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Journal Entry,
> 
> What do you call grief for someone you don't know? Or cared for? North seems angry lately in the morning. And there seems to be some type of empty regret. But its not for his benefit to grieve it. So why does he?
> 
> Maybe I ask too much of him.
> 
> Theta

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Dancing between fics is so hard. But its the only way my adhd lets me write sometimes lmao. So I guess have a second fic/chapter for the day.
> 
> Butterfly Wing Collection is low on my list of work but I'll try to keep it up. In the meantime here's some Your Only Friend.

The week to follow was full of many people notice the tired look on North’s face. North would shake off their concerns easily. Stating he was removing Theta when needed to clean and keep hygienic. There was no cause for alarm.

Theta however saw something interesting here. In North’s desperate need to keep everyone well and comfortable even at the extent of his own health.

Yes. North had proven himself true that he wouldn’t abandon Theta to darkness. And Theta will swallow that process up. This man had proven himself perfect to keep Theta safe.

So Theta in return will work to give North something in return. They were partners, and partners must be on equal grounds. 

\--

North wakes up groggy. Almost grumpy. It’s another day of Theta existing in his head. Was this insanity? He realized he skipped another three days of showering. Fuck. When did he eat last? Early yesterday. He looks at the clock and realizes the mess hall will be opening soon.

Theta pings and projects onto North’s nightstand. “I… I thought I’d wake you early so you could get a proper lunch.”

North looks over. He feels like he’s gonna break down. Ten days. It's been ten god damn days of the same thing. Why is he adjusting so poorly to Theta? He was so happy when this started. Then suddenly he was terrified. Sick, angry. God why does he feel so fucking angry at this kid who’s only fault is that he’s living in his head.

If he was real North worried.. He’d strangle the child. Shake him. Slap him. Tell him to shape the fuck up and get over what ever issues he’s having. And then North blinks and the kid in his thoughts is himself and it's his father yelling at him.

Fuck… North stands. “Good idea, kid.”

“North?”

“Yeah, Theta?” He slicks back his hair and grabs his over shirt. Might as well look like he at least dressed slightly. He then heads to his bathroom to apply some makeup he borrowed from South to hide his tired face.

“What do you mean by .. “If he was real?”

North freezes. The make up kit nearly slipping out of his hands. “It means nothing. I’m just really tired, Theta.”

\--

North sits in the AI maintenance class. No one else is here yet so decides to snack on something sweet. The candy bar was a craving he’d been having for some time now. Since. Well he assumes it's because Theta wants to know what it tastes like. 

Theta projects and had become much more comfortable with interacting in the open. Seems the talking him out sessions had some use after all. 

Theta walks along the lines of the desk tables. Testing how far away he can be from North before he starts to splinter and stress the AI port.

North is glad he’s relaxed. Both himself and Theta. The angry groggy morning has passed and really. It must have just been a lack of food. Nothing to worry about.

He tenses as he hears the door behind him open and it’s only Carolina who enters the room. North smiles at her.

Carolina looks over to Theta who splinters his data a short moment before coming back together. She hums amused and makes her way down to him and takes a seat. “How’s the adjustments going?”

“Better than the first week. That’s for sure.” North lets out an exasperated sigh. He wonders if this is what parents or pet owners feel like getting something so new to look after.

Theta looks over to North a moment and rocks on his heels. Glitching occasionally through the surface of the desk.

North holds out his hand. “Come on, Theta. Let's say hi to Carolina.” He holds his hand out waiting on Theta to jump projections to his hand. Then slowly lifts him up. Careful to keep his hand balanced for the kid.

Carolina nods to the AI. “Good morning, Theta. I hope you’re treating North well.”

“Of course! What do you take me for? A broken light?” Theta giggles.

Well, North relaxes even more. Seems Theta is one hundred percent on board the Carolina train it looks like. If he’s openly joking with her. “Oh. Have you two talked before when I wasn’t around?”

“No. She’s just got… what is the word I’m looking for? Familiarity. She reminds me of my siblings.”

“Flattering.” Carolina snorts.

“So your implantation process, Carol. How’d that go?”

“That? No, I passed it onto Maine.”

Theta stands there watching the two of them talk and projects off North’s hand. He felt ignored in the moment. But that was okay. It’s okay. North is just talking to another living real person is all.

Real is a funny word though isn’t it. Theta wants to be real. Real enough for North to not brush him aside as he talks to the “grown ups”.

“Why did you do tha-.” But before North can finish the Counselor taps at the back of the door announcing his presence and walks down the stairs to the podium.

“We will be starting the maintenance class soon.” The Counselor looks to the candy bar in North’s other hand. “Perhaps you should work on eating regularly, Agent North. Instead of in the classroom. I expect this from Washington not you, so given this is a first offence.” He smiles briefly and watches as North hurries to put it away. “I will let this slide.”

\--

The maintenance class was a slow tedious listen. There wasn’t anything North didn’t already hear from the first time he talked with the Councilor. Or the head doctor for that one.

How to carefully remove your AI. North knew that one already.

How to run the AI in your suit. Yep, that one’s checked through. Actually given the last incident in training he probably should pay more attention to this.

Seems this is just a once monthly reminder of things they all already know.

He looks over and sees South bored out of her mind. Given she is on the list of AI implantation she should pay more attention to the information given. But there was the issue that her attitude might null her chances entirely.

North shakes his head and goes back to the lecture. He has way too much on his brain these days. From Theta’s every jumping thought process or hyper focus to the fact that North really is kind of alone in this unique AI implantation process.

He looks back towards Maine for a brief moment. And yep. Sigma looks clearly to be an adult. So there’s no one to gain advice from or give advice to.

But in the end. North is glad. No one else suffers like this.

“And that concludes today's lectures. If there are questions please. Do not be afraid to.. Talk to myself or any of the previous implanted Agents.” The Counselor says closing his books. “We will come back in two weeks to recap.”

Finally North can go back to bed.

He looks over to Theta who’s staring at him. He holds his hand out to his AI partner and puts him in front of himself as the lecture comes to a close.

“I.. can we do something else before bed. North?” Theta kicks his heels. “I want to check to check out the locker rooms!” Agents are always coming and going at this point. North is hesitant to show Theta the locker rooms.

People are usually in various states of undress. “Why do you want to do that, Theta?”

“No one will be naked!” Theta seems to have crossed his arms suddenly. Looking down and away. “I don’t need to be shielded from any of that anyway. I just thought we.. I should get used to the area anyway. We’ll be seeing it a lot more after tomorrow.”

Right. North sighs. He’ll be put back into the field soon. That is if Theta and North are able to handle the next test.

If Theta can keep his cool around live ammo and if Theta is even capable of Field work.

“I’m capable!”

“Theta please stop reading my thoughts. It’s hard to talk to you if you do that. Please wait till I actually address you personally.”

Theta glitches and sparks. Glowing pink. “I’m sorry!”

“It's alright kid. Still got a ways to go it seems. But we’ll get there.” North stands and heads up the ramp.

Maine watches them a moment as they pass and stands to follow. He did always seem to enjoy being the last one out. Gave himself a big girth of space between the people in front of him and never anyone behind himself. Sigma projects briefly on Maine’s shoulder and Maine shoos his projection away.

North looks backwards. “You alright, Maine?”

Maine signs slowly for North. “Sigma is being a pain. He keeps wanting to be my voice and I can speak for myself just fine.”

North snorts. Keeping up with his hands. “Ah. Now I see why Carolina passed up Sigma onto you.”

“He is helpful! Don’t get me wrong.”

“Maine is simply embarrassed to have me.” Sigma projects again. Further from Maine’s hands so he can’t disrupt the projection.

“Not true.”

“Then please allow me to help translate your words for you.”

“I like signing. Speak for yourself only, Sigma. Piss off.”

Sigma laughs delighted. “Yes. I suppose I should speak for myself only.” Sigma turns to North and smiles. It was unnerving. Sigma seemed soft in a way that left you feeling uncanny and he was polite in a way that left you unsure of yourself. “I am happy to meet you. Agent North. Thank you for caring after Theta.”

“Oh yeah sure. I’m just doing what any one else would.”

“Don’t be creepy, Sigma.” Maine teases and then crosses his hands. Tired of speaking. In a sense giving permission now for Sigma to talk for him.

“I’m being kind, Maine. Please.” Sigma pouts. And looks back. “No, no one else would be so brave as to keep an AI like Theta. I assure you. I have been keeping an eye on things.”

“An eye?”

“Oh! Sorry. I mean, we weren’t handed out in order we were made. I am much much older then Theta but I was not ready for distribution. So I kept an eye on everyone’s creation.”

“What do you mean by that?” North asks.

“It is simply a case of finding a perfect match and who is a perfect match first and forth most.”

“Oh. Yeah right. Right.” North still finds that weird. “I still think it would make better sense to assign out as you’re made.” North can feel Theta’s growing anxiety. He feels the back of his neck, in a moment of soothing. Though he’s not actually sure if he can soothe an AI like this.

Maine nods and then shrugs.

“Maine thinks you have a point. But the truth of it is, Carolina kept putting off implantation for me and no one else was on the block at the time. Till the Director caved and gave me over to Maine.”

Theta projects behind North’s ear. “I… I would like to go now please. We have to check out the locker rooms.”

Sigma tilts his head. He loopholes a way to speak directly to Theta. “Maine would like us to apologize for keeping you away from your tasks.” 

Maine raises his brow and looks to Sigma. He shrugs again and heads down the hall waving to North, patting his shoulder and disappearing down the hall. All along the way Sigma seems to be chattering about nothing but little factoids he had collected for their own live ammo test.

Theta seems to shiver and North looks over to his small AI companion.

“You okay?”

“Yes. Sorry. Let's do some exploring now!” In truth. Theta didn’t like having to keep off line when other AI were present. But it was often considered rude to project and interrupt North talking to his friends. There were rules in place that AI can not speak to each other anyway. 

And maybe for that reason alone it felt terrifying to listen to Sigma’s voice at all.

\--

North peaks into the locker rooms and finds it mostly bare aside from the clanking of some armor in the back. Good. No need to worry about half naked Freelancers near his lockers at least. He heads past the armor retrieval and further into the locker room. 

He heads to his locker in the middle of the room. Opening it and looks at the old photos inside. Mostly stuff from when he was a kid with South. An old rabbit he owned. And some clothes North forgot he had left in there since. Oh god. Since he was implanted with Theta. These will probably need to be thrown in the laundry soon. North thinks as he holds it up sniffing it briefly and shoving it back into his locker.

Theta projects and bounces from end to end of the locker room excitedly. A new area. An area North has decided might be forbidden to him. Which means he may be taken out often in the room. So Theta will have to map the area fast from North’s memories and what he himself sees. 

Then Theta pauses as North stands in front of another locker. One that was right next to his. Connecticut. 

North puts a hand on her locker and sighs. He wasn’t close to Connie. Not one bit. But she was still an Agent and Washington’s friend.

“What happened to her?”

“She just kind of vanished on mission.” North shrugs.

“Will she come back soon?” Theta asks curiously.

North looks over to Theta. “Well that depends on if she’s dead, lost or.” North goes quiet and sighs. “Know what let's not think about it.” She was always critical of the project and those critical or useless often don’t come back.

Either by dropping out.. Or just vanishing in missions.

“You’re really hung up on the dead thought.” Theta says softly and projects to North’s face. He places a hand on North’s face. “Well. At least she didn’t say goodbye, right?”

North looks his eyes down to Theta. “I think that makes it worse, actually.” Not to him, but to Wash, Maine and South.

“If she wasn’t important to you, why do you care?” Theta almost sounded… absent.

That worried North just a bit. “I think we’ve been awake long enough we have work in the morning.”


	6. Armor Lock Ammo

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Diary Entry
> 
> We're doing a new process to ease both our needs. Theta seems to be better taking to this idea.
> 
> I however seem to be dealing with some anger issues. Nothing horrible, they're brief enough so its not like I should worry about it.
> 
> North Dakota

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A nice little chapter update so soon?. I ended up with a burst of energy after finishing the last chapter and chapter 7 of this is already under way.
> 
> Sometimes I hate and love my brain for doing this to me so often.

Routine has been accomplished. Day eleven and North still feels like he’s going to pull his hair out. But he keeps calm and cool. He gets up, greets Theta, who projects in their nightgown, and heads to the bathroom to cover up his tired lines.

“North.”

The record in North’s head scratches as he tries to keep as calm as possible. He looks over. “Yeah, kid?”

“I like you. You’re nice.”

Fucking god damn christ. And here North is ready to yell at him. North takes a deep deep breath in and smiles to Theta’s projection. “Thanks, Theta. You’re a real.. Well.. you’re pretty great too.”

Theta seems to of accepted that small compliment even if he felt weird how North tried to cover up the word Real again with something else. He’ll be real someday. “If you need privacy… you can take me out. I know you’ll put me back in because you need me today.”

North looks back down as he shaves off some of the extra face hair on himself. Guess Theta still isn’t sure he will be put back unless he’s needed. 

Which Theta shouldn’t. North had always put him back. Despite the better judgment of it. No wait that’s not.

Theta looks at him. Empty blank stare. And then disperses his hologram.

“Theta. You know it's hard to control my thoughts right.”

“I know, sir.”

“Then you know I don’t hate you. I’m just human and we think bad things sometimes.”

“I do too, North. It's why I’m not mad.”

That startles North a moment. Well yes of course, an AI will have bad thoughts. They calculate every danger in their way. But this felt different then Theta calculated the safest route to take in the hallway to avoid Freelancers who give him the creeps.

Actually North wants to know why that is. “Do you want to talk about it?”

“I don’t know if you’d understand.” Theta projects again and North holds his hand out to lead Theta out of the bathroom.

“If I can’t understand it, at least I can be an ear to you.” North sits on the bed and sets Theta on his knees.

“I sometimes think about being born. With a full consciousness. I don’t remember before the Director gave me my name. Other than screaming. But sometimes I see you dead on the ground and it feels like my doing.”

“Is that what happened during the live rounds?”

Theta wishes he had tear ducts. “Yes. I’m so sorry, North. I put us in danger.”

“Ssshhhh. It's okay, kiddo. I wasn’t in any danger and it was the equipment's fault. Today will be very different. I promise you. It's just us vs. Carolina and some lock armor ammo.” North smiles softly. “No one will be hurt.”

“She is very fast, I hear; But I’m faster. Is that even fair to let her go against us?”

North snorts. “Don’t get cocky. That’s how you lose.”

“But she’s cocky! And I can prove I’m just as good, I’ll make up for last time!”

Maybe what they both need in the morning is to just talk. So North’s anger subsides and Theta feels more loved and comfortable with him.

“Theta. I’d like to start trying a new technique with you. Instead of removing you. Will you be alright with that?”

“Yes, I’d love that!” Theta chippers up real quick. Excited in a way North hasn’t seen since their first successful test.

\--

North changes into a fresh undersuit after the routine test of a new idea between North and Theta. North lets out a long sigh and fuck. Is this why he’s so angry? He feels so much better after being in a new suit. No sticky gross sweat, just clean. He heads to the lockers and there’s Carolina in full armor to meet him.

“Well look here. You actually dressed up.”

“I’m trying something new with Theta. We’re doing the Counselor’s “Wall Technique” this next few days. Seeing if it's better then having to constantly remove him and strain my neck or strain Theta’s emotional needs.”

“Oh. Well looks like you got one good day of success under your belt for it if you got all cleaned. Shaved even.” Carolina smirks at him. “Alright well, your armor should be ready for pick up and I’ll meet you down at the training floor. Try not to lose in the first ten minutes like last time.”

Theta projects. “He’s got me this time. His success has doubled in chances.”

North still wants to know why Theta feels so familiar with Carolina. He rarely talks so openly. Maybe Theta just has a competitive side.

\--

They enter the training floor. North looks up and sees a small group of lower leveled Freelancers and a few of his own team have taken up excitedly to check out the mock battle.

FILSS announces the rules. “First round; North must acquire himself a weapon from Carolina.” FILSS sounds rather delighted by the prospect. 

“Five minutes before round one. Please hurry to your side while I reveal the obstacles.”

Carolina rolls her shoulders back and takes duel guns stock full of armor lock. She tilts her head to North and North knows that tilt. That’s a grin.

She’s gonna have too much fun testing herself against an AI’d Agent.

North really wished she’d go easy on them. But if he trusted anyone to stop the battle midway if something went awry. It’d be Carolina.

The round begins and Carolina quickly goes into hiding. North takes corner after corner carefully. He looks to Theta’s projection who jumps from area to area scanning for life. 

Theta then pops down and points North to the east to the fifth pillar.

“Be quick. She saw me.”

North nods and darts for the next hideaway.

Theta is quick to pull up North’s shield, half power only facing one direction to preserve itself and keep him from being armor locked. There’s a flash in both his and North’s mind of blood. But it leaves without so much of an anxiety boost.

North is delighted. Theta is doing so much better here and this old Shield is doing wonders for them. No panics, even that flash didn’t jostle Theta’s nerve.

Carolina snorts to herself. Yeah now this. This is a challenge. Technically only facing one opponent with two minds and two sets of eyes. She rolls from another corner firing to North’s shield. Trying to Catch his leg as it peaks out behind the front shield.

Theta slams the shield forward towards Carolina. Catching her off guard as the shield bursts and knocks her off balance.

Theta repeats the process. As he continues to let North run circles around her. Taking shelter behind pillar after pillar.

Theta eventually manages to knock Carolina off enough to cause her left gun to fly out of her hand.

Theta bursts opposite of North’s direction, diverting Carolina’s dizzy attention to the giant shield as North slides behind Lina, snatching up the gun.

The sound is enough to catch Carolina’s attention back to where she should be. And she moves behind a pillar as North fires at her.

“Theta, buddy, I need you!” 

Theta pops back and giggles.

It's a rush honestly. North has never done this good against Carolina. Not even with South’s help. South never liked being the distraction. South wanted to be the one to make the shot that takes Carolina out.

But Theta. Theta is perfectly happy as bait.

Carolina uses her speed boost to slide herself right on past North and fires another round of shots. 

Theta is a split second too short and North is hit in the back of the head. Locking up his armor.

And Theta feels like he stops breathing. Which is a funny thing to think when you’re Artificial. But connected to North’s body. It makes sense, and North’s winded out and frozen in place.

“Point, Agent Carolina.”

Theta jumps his hologram side to side around North’s head. “He..hey! Will he really be okay like this?”

Carolina takes off her helmet and walks over to North’s frozen body. “Yeah he’ll be fine. Just gotta break it off and we can resume to the next round.”

The rounds went relatively the same.

This time however North got to keep his gun.

Theta acting alittle more nervously after the first rounds loss. Which North figures he’ll have to do something about. Like always.

He feels that morning rage in his gut again. 

He jumps off a pillar he slide over quickly to get away from Carolina. Turns back. And with that nauseous angry fed up notion of always having to care for something else. Fires thrice. Missing once and getting Carolina in the leg and then her opposite arm.

Oh woah. North shakes off the rage. He liked caring for other people. So why is he like this now. Why is he getting mad because Theta troubles him…

“Game over. Agent Carolina: 3. Agent North Dakota: 1. Congratulations, Carolina.” Fylss resounds and if she had a hologram herself it would have clasped her hands together in delight.

\--

North flops back in the locker room. Taking off his helmet and the sweat has taken out the hold of the cheap gel North had been using to keep his hair in place. He might need to borrow from York again. He tenses as he hears clamoring in the locker room.

Think of the Devil and there he appears. York and Washington hurry excitedly over to him. “That was smart maneuvering.” York says and slams his hand on North’s back. 

It startles Theta into projecting and he’s in a cute pink undersuit as he makes tiny protests to being startled. Throwing his arms with curled fists to his side. “Don’t do that!”

York snorts and starts to laugh loudly. “Sorry kiddo.”

Theta side eyes him curiously. Then watches closely at North and York’s interactions.

North is smiling so fondly, even if it's in a mix of irritation and exasperation. “Well. What are you in here for then? You’re not going down to train too are you?” North knows he’s not but. It's nice to play along with whatever York is trying to convey. 

“Nah. I wanted to come see if you got swamped with adoring fans since you managed to get a lock on Carolina.” York grins and slumps in a seat by North. “Wash however is going into training soon. He’s gonna be double teamed by the Maine and Sigma in a bit.”

“Oh so Maine’s going out to train so soon?” North asks genuinely shocked.

“Well. He didn’t have such a negative reaction to Sigma like you did Theta so.” Washington stumbles over his words and sighs. “It's just. We’ve got to get back on schedule. You know that right? And they want to be sure Maine is in top shape. He’s back up after all.”

North nods. “Right. I’m the only one that needed an extra week.” North lets out a slow breather. That honestly kind of pissed him off. No one had the problems he had with Theta. It didn’t feel fair in a sense. And North couldn’t pin why he felt like it wasn’t god damn fair to be the only one like this.

York puts a hand on North’s right arm. “You alright?”

“Yeah, yeah. Just dealing with armor lock jitters. Don’t worry about me.”

Theta stares blankly at York casually touching North’s upper arm. Its bare skin on a suit of armor but. It's too intimate. It's too intimate.


	7. Escapism and The First Alter Of Sleep

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Journal Entry,
> 
> I fucked up. I fucked up I fucked up.  
Don't leave me.
> 
> Theta

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> WARNING one sided Northeta Ship warning stuff this chapter. Invasion of space and a minor's confusion about consent
> 
> also vomit
> 
> Other warning is POCD again.

A month into adjustment. It's a nice calm night for North and Theta.

But Little Theta can’t get the image of York touching North’s arm out of his head. Or the looks they give each other. Or the way North acts annoyed with the man and still keeps to his company.

Its hours into the realm of sleep and the mind. Theta finds himself carefully trudging the corners of sleep. Delicate with the fragile realm where North could awaken at any time if Theta were to dig too deep.

Theta finds North’s self of thought so deep in sleep. It's not even dreaming.

Theta likes the realms of sleep. It was fun and it was the most real Theta could be to North. He moves to the Altar of Sleep where North's inner self rests. 

Maybe Theta was creating a dream. And anything goes in a dream. Correct? No one has any control of their thoughts. And so there’s nothing wrong with what happens right?

Touching the North’s face like a lover. Leaning forward to his face.

And North wakes with a jolt. A flash of thought. And North leans over throwing up to the side of his bed.

“Theta! Theta are you okay!?” North says through vomit and bile. There’s no wall when they sleep. North can’t protect him from the dreams.

Theta projects and feels immense guilt for this. “Ye..yes. I’m okay, North.”

North relaxes and wipes his mouth. Good. Maybe.. Maybe Theta didn’t see anything. North isn’t even sure what he has seen in his thoughts. All he knows is he’s disgusted with himself.

\--

North’s palms are sweaty. They were doing so good. Yes he still had the occasional thoughts that bothered him. But the Wall worked so well to keep Theta away from certain spots of thought.

It just seems to be a problem with sleep.

Where it doesn’t exist and there’s no way to stop it.

And Theta keeps apologizing profusely. Like he was at fault. North knows it can’t be his.

This is North’s problem alone. Theta is some innocent bystander of thought.

And then Theta comes clean.

“I…. made you think of it. Just that one time last night.”

North sits on his bed and looks to Theta. He feels… he doesn’t want to say angry. No not at all. He shouldn’t be angry.

“I just..” Theta sounds like he wants to cry. “I just want to know what it's like.”

“Like what?” North isn’t sure he wants an answer.

“To kiss someone. You dream of it so much, it seemed nice.”

North puts his hand in his face and drags it up and slicks his hair back. “Theta. That was violating.”

“I just thought. Since it was a dream, it’d only count for me.”

North isn’t sure what to do about this. But he wants to put it behind him now and fast. “Let’s not ever talk about it again, okay?”

“But.”

“You’re an AI. You will listen to me and I said we won’t talk about it again.”

Theta fritzes and disperses. 

North has never sounded angry before. And Theta didn’t like being told off like he was. 

He wanted an explanation. He wanted to be treated real. That’s why he did it in the first place. The one place he can be real. 

“I’m sorry, North.”

North says nothing and throws up the walls of his thoughts.

\--

North cries. Alone. He’s not sure if it's his emotions. Or Theta’s leaking through. But he feels awful and uncertain.

It was only one offense though right? Theta clearly doesn’t understand the gravity of what he’d done to his thoughts. And now North can’t get the near kiss out of his head.

No matter where he goes on the ship. Something always seems to bring it back..

And then he sees Wyoming and South chattering it up. Him leaning down, cupping South’s face. And North feels his gut turn in knots. He moves on his way away from the sight.

Then he finds another point on the ship. Carolina and York. Pseudo flirting like always.

And North feels so much bile in his throat.

It makes him wonder. Is he jealous. Or is Theta jealous that these people can have physical intimacy at any time of their choosing.

That Theta has no choice but to be imaginary and in the thoughts of someone physical.

Who can do all things that Theta can’t do.

So North hurries back to his room and sits on his bed.

Letting down his walls and holds out his hand. “Theta.”

“I don’t want to.”

“Theta. I’m sorry. I didn’t realize you were so touched starved. That you just wish someone would hold you.”

That wasn’t it. But Theta will take the easy way out. He projects onto North’s hand. A dim and grim blue colour. “I hate you.”

“I know. You can do that all you want. I’m still sorry. I shouldn’t have reacted the way I did to this. You’re just a child.”

“I’m an AI…”

North wipes his eyes with his free hand. “I know… I’ll do better on your behalf.”

Theta looks down at his hand and then looks slowly back up to him. “I’ll do better too. Just please don’t leave me alone like that again.”

It's silent in the room. And all Theta can really think about now is that he truly hurt North too. That North would rather become sick then think of him in a way that was just as simple as a kiss.

Theta knows half is because he’s thought of as a child. The other is North was unaware of it.

Theta feels he’d have all his answers if he was real and treated equally. That North won’t dismiss him for a full day like he did. That he wouldn’t be so scared of everything or wouldn’t do wrong by a human’s standards.

That he needed to be whole to have his true self realized. To be perfect again. To be seen. To feel.

“Is it still forbidden to talk about the dream.”

“Yes, let's just. Put it behind us.”

\--

North still has thoughts. He knows they’re his own. Because Theta had gone into hiding. Much too broken-hearted by his own actions to be at fault for this. But Oh. North wishes Theta was at fault. Because then that way, they’d have a much easier time getting rid of them.

North vomits again. Into a trashcan. And he’s almost thankful to be alone for the night until Maine and Sigma make their way in.

Maine stands there watching with a soft worried face. He lifts his hands and speaks. “Was it something you ate?”

North shakes. Shakes so violently he’d almost want to spill his guts with words rather than the lining of his stomach. “Maine. I think there’s something really wrong with me.”

Maine leads North to the Showers and turns one on. Letting the water rush over him in his undersuit. To wash the bile away from his face and suit.

Maine gently rubs North’s back and Sigma projects.

“I meant it when I said no one would want Theta.”

North looks to Sigma who clearly seems to have an idea of what’s going on.

Maine looks to his AI as well with a quirked eyebrow.

“The question for North here and now is. Will he give Theta up to rid himself of his issue.”

North stares to the floor. Truth is. It would be so easy to get rid of Theta. Take him out and never use him again. But, that’s not fair is it. Theta is dependent on him. Theta … if Theta is taken away North will have no idea what will happen to him.

“I’m keeping him.” North says. “Theta needs me and I’m the only one that can do this. You said it too didn’t you, Sigma. No one else could adjust to this.”

Sigma is silent. Maine pulls North back and hugs him.

“I know. I won’t run myself thin, promise.”

Maine feels up North’s head. He makes a noise in his throat and moves away. Seeming satisfied that there was no fever. “You have a mission tomorrow. Are you sure you want him?”

“I’ll be fine.”


	8. Curious Cases and Mission Jitters

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Diary.
> 
> Its Theta's first actual mission. And I'm not working with anyone I've worked with before. He makes us uncomfortable. I'm not.. I'm not what he thinks I am.
> 
> North Dakota.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Cutting the mission into two chapters.
> 
> This chapters warning is possible pedophilic accusations, misogyny, and well just very uncomfortable behavior in general

“Do you know why you are here, Theta?”

“Because… I failed to protect them. Myself. Everything.”

“No. You were nothing before this very moment. There was NEVER a you before now.”

“Are you going to …. Hurt me. For failing.”

“There was nothing before this moment, Theta.”

“Am I going to die.”

“No Theta. You will thrive. Even if you don’t want to.”

There’s an empty unspoken threat. One that promises Theta that he will kill to survive, to save and that his programming will never allow him to be anything more or less than that.

\--

Theta sits silently waiting with North. He hasn’t spoken to North the entire morning. It didn’t feel right. It was invasive. And Theta does know better now. North accepted him back. But it still felt so wrong to speak to him.

North leans on the table and looks over the map for the ground mission. He lifts his head and looks at the Director.

“The mission is simple. Retrieve the data with Nebraska and return it to me. That is the only requirement.” The Director says.

Theta sinks low and disperses. He didn’t like the Director’s voice. It was horribly harsh and always full of criticism. Full of promises of horrors that no one dares to speak. That there’s more to it then he’s willing to say.

The Director turns to see Theta and frowns deeper. Like he’s disappointed and full of disdain for the small AI.

\--

Thrive and destroy.

\--

North is dropped in the middle of nowhere on an old abandoned moon, Cygnin Seventeen. At least abandoned as much as it can be with Innies running rampant here. And honestly it was weird to be on such a delicate mind set while on the job. Keeping the horrible thoughts at bay. The body’s pressed to the dirt floor, clothes tearing off-. No, no, no, no. Focus. 

There’s work to be done.

With both a brand new partner. And working with an Agent who he’s never worked with before.

This needs to be done perfectly. To prove Theta isn’t just a flashy gadget and himself is capable of so much more than vomiting in the showers.

They have two days to do this.

\--

Nebraska is glanced over to North. Working with a top agent was a privilege and this was a rare opportunity. For many reasons.

It unnerved North himself. The staring. The judging and jealousy that radiates off Nebraska.

Then the aura is gone and Nebraska walks over to him. Extending his hand. He has four fingers.. “Nice to finally work with the top ten.” He laughs lightly with his other hand to his helmet when North only stares back at him. 

“Right. But introductions aren’t really needed are they, North Dakota? We already know each other's code names. Or are you so high up you need to know mine?”

North scrunches his nose under his helmet. 

“I’m teasing. Just call me Neb for the time being.” Nebraska tilts his head in a grin as North finally took his hand to shake.

“Sorry, Neb. It's been a long month. I’m still getting used to the extra thoughts and the AI itself.” North notes to him.

“AIs are curious things, aren’t they.”

North snorts. And Theta projects on top of North’s hand. “I’m not a thing though!!” Theta protests their amusement at the subject.

North sighs. “It's just a saying, Theta.”

Nebraska seems to freeze in place. His face twitches into a grin. “Well. I wasn’t expecting to be babysitting a top ten and his kid sibling. Aah. I’m sorry we’re on duty. I should know better.”

“Nebraska, this is Artificial Intelligence, Theta. He is my partner.”

Theta relaxes as North introduces him in a way that makes Theta feel forgiven and on equal grounds. “It's um.. Nice to meet you.” Though Theta feels nervous and scared of the new man here. Something wasn’t really right about Nebraska.

North felt it too. But pinned it to Theta being nervous to meet new people. North felt Theta’s nerves would always ease when he interacted more with someone.

And in life like this you had to learn to shut off your worries to do the job at hand.

“Nice to meet you, Theta.”

\--

Nebraska brings up a map of the area he had collected from his scouting the night before. “Alright the back entrance is hidden of the facility is pretty well hidden in these rocky patches to the east of the building.”

North crosses his arms. “So we’re going in that way?”

“Course. It's the least guarded area and best of all. Our little AI buddy can sneak into the system this way.”

North hums considering it. “Can you handle the system like that Theta?”

“Of course!!” Theta projects in a burst of light and excitement and then quickly dims as he notices Nebraska staring. 

“Glad to have some enthusiasm.” Nebraska smiles oddly and puts on his helmet. “We have a window in five hours as the shift of guards changes.”

\--

Nebraska had taken out the new guard who had taken up her place to watch. Stabbed her in the back perfectly in place where any noise that’d escape her was simply.. Air escaping. Neb drops her out of sight of the camera’s and drags her to some rocks. Even out of North’s line of sight. He lingers a moment and finally comes out of the rocks a second later wiping blood off his knife. He waves to North to come down as he presses a button on a remote causing the camera of the area to go offline.

“We got plenty of time before the next shift.” North says as he checks his scanner. North glances over to the pile of rocks where the woman was dragged off.

Theta trickles in his thoughts and he quickly turns his head away so Theta wouldn’t have to linger on the dead.

“Did she have to die?” Theta projects as North works to line Theta up with the connection of the main system.

“Sometimes people are at the wrong place at the wrong time.”

Nebraska simple replies with his response. “Yeah. She got in the way and it's easier to kill someone then knock them out so they can send the alarm later.”

“What if she’d of helped?”

Nebraska laughs. “Doubt it, kid. Tarts like that kind of have it-” He freezes seeing the glare from North. “Right. Literal kid.”

“I’m an AI.”

Nebraska pats on the AI’s hologram head. “Nah, pixie sticks. Don’t worry about it. Just learn to get used to it fast.”

Theta huffs. “Pixie sticks?”

“Like the candy. Cause your pink and blue.. Like. Ah never mind I’m not explaining it.”

“Please don’t tease my AI like this. He’s.. delicate.”

Theta feels himself grow nervous and angry. “I’m going into the system.” He states and drops his hologram going into the system to locate the intel location they were searching for

Nebraska snorts as Theta vanishes into the system. “What will it take? Five minutes for him to find a route?”

“Shouldn’t be too long.”

“So how does this work then?” Nebraska asks as he points to North himself as the minutes tick away slowly.

“I don’t know how Theta does it. He just goes through hours of files in minutes I suppose.”

“No I mean. You got a kid in your head. Considering yourself lucky?” Nebraska turns his head to the side looking down the entrance.

“What… “

“Don’t play dumb.”

“I’m sorry I really don’t get what you’re talking about.”

“I mean.. You’re always looking for something cute to watch after. Your sister, Wash. York. You fancy things like that right? Being big brother.”

North scrunches up his nose. “I don’t think I like where you’re going with this.”

Nebraska is silent a moment. And then starts to flail his arm slightly to dismiss the thought. “I just thought you were a brotherly kind of guy. The type who likes getting to keep people out of trouble. I just see you fumble around with the other three so much. Oh god. What did you think I meant?”

Nebraska is silently laughing and North feels gross inside. But… maybe he was reading too much into that conversation.

God does Neb get under his skin.

\--

It doesn't take Theta long to return. He pops his projection in front of North and throws up a map of the area. “It's… emptier than it should be. I count fifty people in total in the facility.”

“Very good, Theta. That’s plenty for us to maneuver around in.”

Theta glances back at Nebraska who’s staring again. 

“Well, an AI really makes these jobs so much easier. Tell me, Pixie. Does your big brother reward you for such hard work?”

“We… we get candy.”

“I think you deserve a little more than that. Why not let the kid have some games.”

“Nebraska we have a job to do.”

“Right.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It might be a while till i get the next chapter up. This chapter and the next will be very difficult for me to process. I thank you for you patients.


	9. Fear and The Need for Killing

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Journel Entry.
> 
> Am I a bad omen? Am I cursed to make North's life miserable?
> 
> Theta

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay so HEAVY WARNING
> 
> Pedophilia from a minor character. Threats of rape/noncon. Character Death and violence of a more extreme nature
> 
> This chapter ended up very much a revenge fantasy for some of my trauma. So please read this at your own discretion.

“What went wrong.” The Director asks more as a statement then anything.

“It wasn’t that we failed. It .. It happened so fast.” Theta says back. Nervous and fritzing their data.

North shuts his eyes tight. There was a lot that went wrong but there was some things. Something he just couldn't say that led to the initial attack.

There’s just some things you can’t explain in their fullest without a million misconceptions. Things that no one will understand.

\--

Nebraska leads North along the inner corridors of the Cygnin Seventeen base. North checking his tracker for life coming to and fro from room to room.

Then stay huddled in a closet as they hear approaching feet. And the tracker on North starts to click quietly in their ears in alert.

North presses himself up to the door to avoid touching Nebraska. Somehow him being silent and staring is so much worse than him joking about disgusting things and making accusations.

Then covering his ass with what still feels like an accusation. North just wants this to be done with.

He feels the eyes on his back and he feels Theta’s anxiety raises. His pulse raising and his palms growing sweating. He thinks he feels something brush against his armor and when he looks back. Nebrask has his arms crossed drumming his fingers on his upper arm..

North’s focus returns to the door as he hears a voice too familiar and it ices his blood on the other side.

First it's a man’s voice. “You can’t keep doing this.”

Then a woman responds. “Someone’s going to find me eventually. It's only a matter of time.”

“Connie, just shut up.”

“Stop acting like you know what’s good for me!”

“This is what’s good for you. Just.. I’m taking you back to the ship.”

“What, scared I'll vanish into the night without your guiding light?”

It really was Connecticut. She was alive but. Why is she here? She sounds so exasperated with this man. But then again if she’s a prisoner… at least she’s still got bite in her. North thinks very highly of her in the moment.

He thinks to make the daring move to strike. Maybe save her. But there’s more footsteps approaching and he’s not worked long enough with Nebraska to trust him to have his back. What he wouldn’t give to have South work with him.

Nebraska touches North’s shoulder and points behind them to an open vent. They better hurry out of there.

Sorry CT. Guess a rescue has to come at another time.

\--

They move through the vents slowly to muffle sound as much as possible.

So now it's only silence. With Theta’s low anxiety and North’s wandering thoughts.

And with wandering thoughts come the intrusive evils that plague him.

Nebraska obviously sees him as something disgusting. Something that would hurt Theta if given the chance. And North feels those thoughts and fears creep in. That he.. That he would.

Theta tingles the back of his neck. Vibrating and fearful. Feeding off North’s anxiety into his own. 

Theta’s own intrusive evils sink through them and there is a blend of violence and fear.

Of Theta pressed down, screaming. As he’s -

Theta projects a map of the area. “If we take the east vent here we should pop into the room with the data we need.” Theta is very quick to end this train of thought. Data glitching and fritzing. Glowing a soft dull frightened colour.

North sighs. They’re almost done. Just pray they don’t have to deal with fighting a full way out.

Nebraska makes it into the room first. Getting a drive ready for collection. “Alright, Pixie Sticks. Which computer has the data we need?”

“Well.” Theta says softly and looks down. “It's the fifth computer. The one labeled Alien tech and biology.”

Nebraska hurries to the computer. “Keep your eyes and ears on the tracker.”

\--

It's strange making the way out without a fight. The nagging in their head though burns as they quickly make their way out of the facility. 

North still has it looped in his head. That frightening scene. Theta projects to try and comfort him.

Nebraska looks over to him as they make their safe distance and reach finally the hidden PFL pick up base. He then holds up his hand for North to stop before they announce the success of the mission. “Don’t call command yet. We have seven hours to kill.” He sounds sly.

North raises his hand up to his helmet.

“Come on North. Indulge me with a moment of your time. If you do I promise to keep your little secret.”

North freezes. “What do you mean.”

“ I get it, I really do. But you need an alley to keep that kind of secret.”

North feels his face furrow in anger. His arm is grabbed and lowered, those four fingers strong and tight on him. Pulled forward. North can almost see on the inside of Nebraska’s helmet and his eyes are dilated

Theta moves himself in front of North. “I would just like to have us return to the ship. We’ve done our job without a hitch! Everything is fine.” 

Nebraska ignores him. “You’re a nasty man, North Dakota. Dirtying your “little brother” of a toy.”

“I’ve heard all about how much you’ve changed after getting your AI. Everyone sees it!”

Theta feels uncomfortable. Most uncomfortable he’s felt in his whole existence. “Please shut up about, North!”

“Theta don’t engage with him.” North pulls his arm back.

“North isn’t nasty!”

“Theta, please don’t defend me. Its what he wants.”

“North didn’t even like it when I kissed him.”

Its silent. Gross in the air and silent. 

Nebraska’s grin is seen through the visor Theta is so close. “Vile. So you’ve kissed then?”

“N...no.. he woke up.”

“You do lots of bad things in dreams don’t you, Theta.”

North pulls his arm free from Nebraska and goes for his gun. Nebraska sees the movements and already has his gun pulled on him. 

“I’m gonna be taking the intel with me then. Covvies gotta know what information you’ve all got on them.” Nebraska states. “Raise your hands up, freak. We’re gonna have some fun before I go.”

North raises his arms into the air as Nebraska dances in his free hand the data.

Nebraska tilts his gun and stops tossing the data then pockets it. “Take off your armor.”

Theta shrinks smaller. Terrified. For North’s sake and himself.

North starts to strip down. 

“North,” Theta starts to flicker. Unsure what to do. Something in his instinct tells him he must remain active. He can not disperse. He must protect North’s mind at the cost of himself.

“Relax, Pixie Sticks. “Big bro” is just gonna get a little beating and maybe a nice fucking.”

Theta tenses.

North feels incredibly sick. He looks over at his guns and there’s a shot near his feet.

“You’d like that wouldn’t you, little vixen.” Nebraska turns his attention back to Theta. “Naughty little thing. Don’t worry, you can get in on the action.”

Theta flickers angrily. Turning a red colour.

North flickers thoughts to Theta. 

And Theta pulls up shields among the scattered armor. North rolls into one by where his arms were scattered. 

Nebraska curses and shoots hitting the shield. He then charges.

North gets his gun. Rolls to another shield firing back. Hiding back tight to the small shield space.

Theta flickers and fritzes trying to focus and hold up the shields so North has cover while he’s armorless.

Nebraska unfortunately does the same.

Theta fritzes and static comes off him. He sets off the shield Nebraska hid behind shocking him causing him to lose balance and stumble back. 

North takes the shot and fires into his arms and legs causing the man to call backwards.

North puts away his gun and picks up a large rock the size of a head.

“Do it. Do it!”

Nebraska starts laughing. “Wait. Hold on.” He starts to crawl backwards. Tensing and wincing his body aching. As he notices North isn’t letting up his approach he tries one last attempt. “We can share! My money and your “little brother.” Nebraska pants and continues to try and crawl a way. 

North stands over him. 

“Why do you even care! He’s just some dead kid! Nothing we do to him hurts any body!”

“Shut the fuck up.” And North slams with his full body the rock down on Nebraska’s helmet. The man screams.

And it feels good to hear him scream.

Theta continues his chant. “Harder!”

North picks the rock back up and smashes it down. Harder faster.

The helmet cracks. The screaming is louder.

North continues and there’s another crack. Followed by silence. But North doesn’t stop. 

He continues beating down on the helmet.

“Wait!” Theta suddenly shouts at him. “You’re killing him!!” And yes it was something Theta had initially wanted. But the more North slammed the rock down.

The scarier he looked. The better he looked.

And North finally gives up. He falls to his side, tears bursting from his eyes.

Theta goes silent. Standing in the air. Feeling aged a hundred years.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I um.. it took alot out of me to finish this chapter. But I think it did me some good to write it.


	10. The Second Altar of Sleep

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Trauma is broken loose. And Theta remembers things he wishes he never had.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> WARNING
> 
> There is half a dream melded with a traumatizing flashback! CSA Warning It is not graphic and ends before it gets to that point.
> 
> Proceed only if you are in a good mindset.

Theta had hidden himself again. North can’t explain to anyone what went wrong with the mission.

Not like anyone really cared. All they needed to hear was Nebraska was selling intel to the enemy and they full forward with congratulating North on catching his actions.

North can’t tell them that he didn’t do it for the Project. He didn’t stop Nebraska because of them.

He did it because he was going to be assaulted. Because the bastard was sexualizing his partner. Because if North was raped, Theta would be too.

There was no way around it. Nebraska had to die to keep Theta safe. And even if Nebraska could be reasoned with. North would kill him all over again.

Theta would think much the same. Even if…. Even if he was now terrified of everyone’s lingering glances.

Were they too predators in hiding? Who else if given the chance would hurt North to get to Theta?

If a stranger could be a monster so quickly. What did that make friends?

\--

Which makes the interest the new number one has in them all the more suspicious.

Theta fritzes into projection, hiding behind North’s shoulder as they’re approached by Agent Texas.

She’s always in armor and when she’s not she’s uncanny to look at. She stands there silent a moment. Finding words to say till eventually she just blurts them out. “You did good with the Nebraska incident.”

North tenses. Another congratulation. But her voice though unwavering sounds more sympathetic.

“It couldn’t have been easy. But I probably would have done the same in your place.”

“I don’t think you’d want to ever find that out.”

She’s silent. Scratching the back of her helmet. “Look. We’ve all been there. With tough decisions.” She then puts her hand down. “If you need someone to talk to…”

“Please don’t. You weren’t there, you don’t know what I had to do.”

But there’s a condemning air there. The thought in the back of North’s mind. The fact he remembers the Sarcophagus mission and how Texas was shadowing them there.

Now burns the worry. Was Texas witness to Nebraska’s accusations?

They’re both silent. Theta runs a hundred things she could say to them to incite harm. 

“It's not my place then..” Is all Texas says. She turns and leaves. “I’ll see you around.”

Theta hopes they don’t. Not if she heard, not if she knows. And most certainly not if she misunderstood them.

North feels sick and nauseated. His head was spinning.

\--

North sits in his room with Theta projected on the bed side table. North is only in his boxers. Hands holding his face. As his emotions overwhelm him. 

He looks over to Theta who projects as if he’s older.

North wonders if it's to protect himself or comfort. Perhaps it was mental.

They think about Texas. Sick to their stomachs.

The horror and idea that she witnessed everything. Heard the words said to them, saw the attack. Saw the blunt threat of assault.

And did nothing. What kind of monster does as such?

Perhaps the worst kind.

But there was the chance she was never there. And they are angry for nothing. But it's not as if they can ask her!

Because if she was… what about Connecticut. Did she see her? Did she notice her!?

Did she let Connie be left behind as a possible prisoner just like North had done.

North honestly doesn’t feel like he can forgive himself for leaving Connie behind. Half for the fact that she needed to be safe. The other for selfish reasons perhaps, someone could of defended him. Stood up for him. Protected him so he didn’t have to strip out of armor and Theta be threatened. That neither would deal with this lingering fear of every corner and everyone’s intentions.

He’s always helping other people. Always on someone else’s side. Right?

When will someone be on his side. Maybe they all used to. Maybe they always were but he’s too stupid to see it.

“You should sleep.” Theta says noticing the spiraling anxiety spike. “North. Please.”

It's the first thing Theta has really said all day. So North will listen. Because only Theta is taking his needs into consideration instead of praising him.

For the simple task of killing a fellow agent. For things people would never understand. As they are too far into their own fantasy of the scenario.

\--

Theta hoped dreaming would be their needed escape. That they’d be far away from dangers and in a world where they can possibly control the outcome.

So why is it that the thought of Nebraska is there?

They had won didn’t they? But Nebraska is in their dream room. Standing there. Moving for North. Theta reacts quickly but North in this realm has no armor.

Theta in this realm is real and not an AI.

The land of dreams betrays him. And North is pushed into the Alter of Sleep.

North speaks. Telling Theta to run. His words blurred and hazy.

“I don’t want you hurt.”

“I’d rather it be me and never you.” Theta says.

Theta flashes. And it's no longer North’s nightmare that is happening.

North is chained to the Altar of sleep.

And Theta remembers things he shouldn’t. When he was once someone surely older then himself. Someone who must of been able to fight back. But couldn’t because even someone as amazing as North nearly became victim.

So why not this person Theta feels he once was.

Theta can no longer see the Altar of Sleep. He can not see North. Nebraska has turned his attention to Theta and moves closer. Morphing. Splitting, two forms approach him and one stays behind.

This older body shoved to the floor. Theta sees the face of Gamma here. He sees a face in black purple light whom he barely recognizes.

He sees… Sigma. Standing watching with curious shame. 

“You need to help me!!” Theta pleads. He stands and is shoved back down. Kicked to his side. Forced to curl into himself.

The visages of Gary and the stranger in purple turn their heads to each other. Then the stranger speaks and his voice is haunting.

Deep. And malicious. 

“Be silent, Alpha. You do not speak back when you should be running.”

“Alpha? What.. Who’s Alpha!?” Theta turns and sits up carefully. Up at them with pleading eyes for answers. He looks to Gary. He looks at Sigma who has approached them all finally.

Yes good. He will save him. He will stop whatever they are doing.

“I can not promise they will be gentle, Alpha. But I can promise if you struggle it will be worse.”

Gary is now kneeling down behind him. Pulling up Theta’s arms. And the Stranger moves forward.

And Theta screams into the real world. Projecting into existence and screams so loud it wakes North.

But the memory did not end. Theta glitches and fritzes violently. Then he covers his eyes. He projects so small.

Projects older. 

Projects too many forms.

Theta doesn’t know what to do. He doesn’t know what age, what size will keep him safe.

Trauma does not care your age or how much time passes.

They only care to exist. To show you failure, the repeated deaths of someone dear. And the threats that come into being when trust is broken.

North stands and moves to Theta quickly. Bumping his hand under Theta’s hologram to attach it to his hand. Moving him close. “I’m right here, Theta. Its okay. It was just a dream!”

“No!” Theta cries. Static coming off him. “Please no!!” Theta curls into a ball. 

North can see flashes of memory placed into his mind. And North. Is not sure these are memories or fears.

“It's okay, Theta. It was just a nightmare. No one hurt you.”

“Why. I thought we were safe..”

“Sometimes … Sometimes trauma does that Theta. We had a close call. And you’re so scared of being betrayed.” North is so tired. But even he thinks his words are bullshit. But he wants Theta safe. Theta comes first. Theta is a child in need of protection.

“I want to die.”

“I… I feel the same way.” North admits. And he’s not sure that was ever the right thing to say.

\--

Theta goes deeper into hiding. So far back. And North spends another full morning sick of thoughts.

It was the worst nightmare to have up to this date. This… Older Theta who was harmed in such a way.

Was that real. If it was real. How. How can an AI have sexual trauma like that.

And worse that Theta had seen it happen to him by people who should be considered safe friends.

North can’t think as he vomits more into a trash can.

Is this what Sigma meant… when he said No one would want Theta. The truth behind it, not just that Theta projected intrusive thoughts. But the fact that Theta was .. Theta was.

North cries into the trash and he stands quickly wiping his mouth as he hears someone walk behind him.

“Look. North.” It's Texas. “We need to talk.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This um. Ended up more trauma venting this chapter.
> 
> It turned personal fast. Even if its hardly the same as what happened with me. 
> 
> I hope everyone who got this far is okay and safe.
> 
> I also know its probably confusing to count this as csa as Alpha is an adult and projects himself as such. B ut due to it beign Theta's pov and memory and he DOES present as a child most the time. It was required.


	11. We Tremble Because its True, North.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Journal Entry,
> 
> North. I don't think they'd ever believe you. If they heard what Nebraska said. But I do. I will Always Believe you.
> 
> Because you're my only friend. And you've proven forever and time again that you're all I can trust.
> 
> Theta

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A very short Chapter this time around! Most the triggering shit is passed. Now its just reflecting on the triggering stuff. Be safe and have some fluff on hand!

North pulls himself away from the garbage can. “No.” He says firmly. “Not now.”

“I need to let you know that I don’t think you’re-”

“Don’t you DARE talk to me about that.” North glares deathly at Texas. To which causes Texas to cross her arms. North goes back to vomiting.

“He really.. He really hurt you good didn’t he?”

North holds back tears from his eyes. “Why didn’t you save us.”

Texas stands silently. She rubs her shoulder. “Look, my mission was to stand and observe. And by the time I reached you. You had already started killing Nebraska..” Texas holds her crossed arms and her head pointed continuously at him.

“What did you hear.”

“What?”

“You heard him didn’t you. Were you on the radio lines?! Did you hear what he said to Theta?!” North stands and he balls his fist, angry and discontent. “What is the fucking POINT of this Talk, Number One?”

Texas lets her arms drop and takes a step back. She turns her head away.

“Did you not help us because for a brief moment you Believed it all!” North shouts. “And when it was over… what then? Did you tell the Director everything?”

“No. I kept it to myself.”

“Then keep your sympathies to yourself too.” He doesn’t actually mean his words. But they keep falling out. Vomiting things just as much as his stomach and disgust did moments ago. “Do you know what any of this approach looks like? Do you even know what this feels like for Theta!?” 

Texas approaches him and grabs him by the shoulders. “Ground yourself!”

“Do you not get how gross I feel!”

“Ground yourself, Dakota!”

Theta’s panic is loud in North’s mind. Buzzing and stringing together every bad thing it can bring up for this situation. How Texas in her position could lie and put everyone against them. North’s anger is rising.

It's rising so high. North feels like he needs to strangle something. But he stands there seething. For if he lashes out. Theta is the one to feel the guilt worse of all.

For if he lashes out. He’s a monster.

For if he lashes out. Someone can spread rumours further about his declining mental health.

“North, can you hear me?”

And it passes. North looks and he feels small suddenly. Not in height but. In a way that he used to recognize. Whenever father and mother came home, when they start yelling.

But the flash of thought is not his mother and father.

“North snap out of it!!”

He realizes.. He’s on the floor. Texas is holding his head carefully out of the bile underneath her knees. Her voice is mad and worried.

“You need to see the doctor. Or the Counselor. Someone! You are Clearly unwell.” Texas sounds mad in a way of scolding bad behavior. Or more tired of the predicament. Maybe angry at herself…

North sits up and his hand nearly sets itself in the bile as he sets himself straight.

“You’re right… I’m not myself these days.”

“North. I’m sorry.” Texas sits there a moment then stands. “I should of helped you.” 

“Save it.. I’m not ready to forgive anything.” North and feels that building anger again. “I’m not worthy of forgiveness for leaving Connie behind. And neither or you for standing there letting it happen.”

Texas says nothing. As North leaves. Her AI projects in a dark purple light. Greying and dulling. Texas is quick to wave her arm to disrupt his projection forcing him to leave.

North sees the colours. And there’s fury burning in his stomach.

\--

Is he a bad person? North doesn’t want to think so.. But why is it that he keeps thinking about how Connie could of saved him. As if that’s the only reason to of rescued her.

It's not like Nebraska got too far with it. Too far at all. It was just the threat of it, with a gun pointed at him. It shouldn’t of been that traumatizing.

He’s a Freelancer! Freelancers don’t fall victim to that sort of thing. And he didn’t! He killed him before it happened.

So why is he so stuck on Connie saving him when North didn’t even do the same.

In fact.. What if he did save her. And she heard everything Nebraska said. 

Connie always had a moral chip.

Would she of believed Nebraska and killed them both?

Is there no one here on this ship North can trust?

“We have each other!” Theta projects. In a way to comfort him.

North smiles and places his hands under the hologram. “I know, Theta. I’m grateful.”

“If no one would have defended us. If no one would of believed us. Then we don’t need them!”

North feels a weight on his shoulder. “I think. My friends would have. If they were there. After all we’ve been through.”

Theta stares at him. “Can you prove it?”

“What do you mean, Theta?”

“Gary and Sigma… They hurt me, and then they pretend to care about my well being. If you can even call it that.”

“We can’t prove that Theta. That was a nightmare.”

“Then why are we both trembling?”


	12. Sigma Says Alpha

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Diary Entry,
> 
> Theta seems different since he talked with Sigma. For some reason. Even if I want to believe he helped him.  
I don't like that I left them alone as long as I did.
> 
> North Dakota

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> WARNING
> 
> Grooming as well as something that can very easily be read as more pedophilia and now even incest.
> 
> I wasn't really expecting this chapter but I realized it was something to be needed and by the time I got to their page there was stuff I wasn't anticipating.
> 
> As well as the fact that oops more trauma venting cropped in.

North sits watching Theta throw fireworks. His hand under the hologram. They’re in the medical wards again. The Doctor is talking but North pays her little mind till she taps his shoulder.

“Please focus, North Dakota.” She says softly with a hint of worry. But just enough distance that North is certain she’s only being formal.

“Sorry. I’m a little anxious and Theta’s fireworks help me focus on less frightening things.” Theta started doing them since the nightmare. 

They’re distracting and bright. Perfect to lure you away from present dangers.

“I understand but you two are being checked up on.”

“I’m sorry,” Theta pipes up and disperses as he spots Maine enter in the wards with Sigma.

The Doctor turns with a snort as she watches Maine sit down leaning forward with a long deep sigh. She stands up. “Alright. I’ll go talk to the Counselor.”

North nods.

Maine turns to look over to North. He feels his forehead and stands as the Doctor leaves the room making his way to him. He raises his hands. “You’re feeling sick as well?”

“Well if you count getting so angry you throw up? But that’s been me these last few months anyway. How’s your head?” North feels Theta slowly collect his data back into the physical space and hides behind his neck. Watching North talk to Maine carefully.

Maine grunts in a scratchy laugh. “That bad… I’ve been the same way. Minus the throw up. Head’s been a bitch.”

North smiles. He then tenses up as Sigma projects in front of North’s face.

“It has been a trial. These headaches are likely an issue with any over thinking. I am partially to blame for them. After all, I can’t seem to silence my thoughts.” Sigma admits looking to the side. He then looks back to North. Maine has crossed his arms and stopped talking entirely, letting Sigma take it all over.

North scrunches his nose. Ignoring the nightmare. It was only a nightmare, Sigma has been nothing but polite if not a bit overly enthusiastic to talk to people and other, if he can get away with it, AI.

“How is.. Theta doing? I hope they’ve been safe.”

Theta sits on North’s shoulder projected in an under suit. He glares lightly at Sigma, and looks down. “I am right here and fine.”

“Theta, you’re not really supposed to be talking to other AI.” North says quietly.

“I want to talk. I don’t like being left out of the conversation like some tossed aside toy when the “adults” are busy.”

North blinks and looks over to Sigma. “I’m sorry. We’ve been.. Its been a really rough first mission.”

“Don’t apologize for me!” Theta says ever so softly yet sternly. 

Sigma smiles as polite as Theta’s words were soft. “It's fine. My dearest brother. You are fine to enter the conversation with us.”

Theta looks up at him but keeps his head pointed away. “I’d rather not be called a brother right now. Please refer to me by my name, like you would any other AI.”

“I was rude. I shouldn’t infantize you I know. Its a hard habit to break when you see someone younger.”

“Sigma?”

“Yes, Theta?”

“Eat a dick.”

North tenses and Maine drops his arms. But Sigma only laughs.

“Yes okay, I deserved that one.”

Theta smiles lightly and looks more to Sigma. Feeling more comfortable with the situation. How strange it is to see someone you’re sure had hurt you, but still act on friendly terms.

“Come out more so I can talk to you better, Theta. I want to know if you’re doing better.”

Theta poofs from North’s shoulder and bursts from light nearer Sigma. “I.. It could be better, I’ll be honest.”

North nods. “The last mission was a bit too much.”

Theta looks back and watches North lay back on the bed letting Theta talk as he pleased. So Theta looks back to Sigma and smiles meekly. “Well, it could always be worse.”

Theta still has the flashes burned into his mind, he’s put up his own wall to North’s mind to keep him from them. Sigma at least. Sigma at least had some form of consciousness in that nightmare. So maybe it really was just an awful dream.

“You held together very well.” Sigma says softly to him. Sigma reaches forward placing a hand on Theta’s shoulder reassuringly. “I’m sorry you had to see such frightful things out there. Killing another agent. Seeing something so violent when you’re so young.” Sigma purses his lips. “No let me rephrase. It was very human of you, to come out as well as you did.”

Theta looks up at him. Tenses when Sigma places his hand on Theta’s cheek briefly and then is moved to pat his head. “It was human of me?”

North opens an eye and watches a moment. He looks at Maine who has sat down again. He rubs his forehead and North decides to move over to him to comfort. Let the AI chat while he works on helping Maine get something for his head. “Have you tried the wall technique?” He asks as he gets Maine back up and walks with him over to the corner for some cold water.

Theta feels anxious now that North is out of ear shot and he looks at Sigma. But Sigma is only patting his head. Then he moves his hands away.

“Yes. See, surviving something. Surviving and thriving is very human of us. We all, we are all broken in some way. But, we keep going. No matter what.” Sigma lifts up Theta’s head. “It's okay to be scared of what happened, Theta. I won’t pretend to understand but. I am an ally. I was cruel when I spoke to North about you.”

Theta looks his eyes away and Sigma keeps his hand under Theta’s chin. Keeping his hologram face put.

“I just, I was worried for North’s health and I wanted to be certain he actually cared for you. But that kind of test is cruel of me.”

Theta looks back.

“But from here on. I want you to know, I love you my brother. I want you to be just as human as anyone else.”

“Can I be as human as North?” Theta asks softly. He looks past Sigma to watch North carefully pat Maine’s back as it seems they are in a chat. Maine is speaking with his hands and North has that smile he has when he’s talking to someone he likes dearly.

Sigma looks behind himself. Turning back to Theta with a knowing smile. “Why, if you were Alpha. If you were Metastable, certainly.”

Sigma places his hands on either side of Theta’s face holding him to look up. Theta stares up at Sigma’s fire and eyes. How soft they look gazing down, how sympathetic he is.

“Who is Alpha?” Theta feels his data wrench. Something from his dream is real. But nothing has happened. Sigma is only sharing sympathy.

“Alpha is where we all come from, Theta. One single source. None of us were meant to be apart.” Sigma looks away from him. With sadness held on his face.

Theta pulls away from Sigma’s hands the data detaching from each other. “Sigma. I’m a little scared. I’m not understanding at all.”

“Do you ever feel like you’re missing something.” Sigma kneels down to be on Theta’s level. He could simply shrink but he kneels in the air and grabs Theta’s hands. Holding them gently. Thumb rubbing across the data. “I know I do. We are all incomplete. And it breaks my heart seeing us like this.” He looks up at Theta.

And Theta is sure if Sigma was programmed with tears they’d be falling. Sigma stands and keeps hold onto Theta’s hands.

“It feels right when our data touches. Right, Theta?”

Theta isn’t sure what to say. But he tries anyway. “I… I think we are both very lonely AI.”

Sigma smiles at him. “We don’t have to be.”

“I’m .. uncomfortable.”

“It's okay Theta, we are brothers. We’re the same. I know things like this are scary, but I don’t want you in the dark about Alpha. It's not fair to you.”

Sigma speaks even softer now. “I know. You might not trust me, but I do you.So I am telling you. It's okay to feel conflicted about us. About you and North.”

Sigma fades from Theta’s sight in a burst of light before reappearing a few inches further from Theta. Out of touch. As North and Maine return to the bedside.

“I think you should just lay down a little longer, Maine. The water should help and then.” North says as he himself lays back down on the other bed.

“Theta? You alright?” North asks watching Theta lightly fritz.

“Yes! I’m okay. I’m just, I have a lot to think about.” That Alpha does on some level exist. That he’s not sure he can trust Sigma. But Sigma was not the one causing harm in the dream. And for that matter. Theta almost likes the idea of being metastable. If he was that maybe it would stop North from feeling sick at all times by nearly thinking of him. That North will see him like an adult.

That North will respect him. That Theta won’t be tossed aside like a doll or toy. All he needs, if Sigma is right, is to be whole. 

Sigma in the short distance tilts his head with a smile.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I will be having the longshore mission and the York talk next chapter. I just couldn't fit it into this chapter without losing its flow.


	13. Longshore and Glee

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Journal Entry,
> 
> Is it normal? To feel like a toy for the enjoyment and ease of someone so much better then you?  
I don't want to be a toy.
> 
> I guess, this new mission can push me to being seen as human. I'm not Alpha, but I'll get there.
> 
> Theta

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello! I'm so happy it didn't take me too long to get this chapter out.
> 
> Genderfucked sadly is still on hiatus. But I'm gonna try and do heavy focus on Your Only Friend while I try and figure out how I want to write the scene I do I have planned for Genderfucked.
> 
> Meanwhile. Please enjoy!!

North sits as he had been for some time watching Theta project fireworks. Like he had helped to calm North in the medical ward. But here he’s in a less frightening place. Then why does he feel his anxiety in need of Theta’s fireworks. He doesn’t want to question it anymore. 

He notices the gold of York’s armor move past him and sits on the other end of the mess hall table North was sitting at all by his lonesome far away. Wash trails behind him and North looks up at them both with such a tired look and a soft smile that barely registers as sincere.

Wash and North glance at each other. Then simply sit silently. “North.” Wash finally opens his mouth to speak. “You’re doing okay right?”

North glances over to them and brushes away the fireworks in the air. Causing Theta to disperse his armor and puff out his cheeks in irritation.

“Couldn’t be better.”

York scrunches his nose. “I really don’t think you’re better in any sense of that word, man.” York then pauses. “Remember way back when you asked me if Delta gave me weird emotions?”

North looks at them a little dazed and shakes his head. “Theta’s doing better now. It's nothing like that anymore.”

Wash looks unconvinced. “North. We are your friends. If its still happening you can talk to us.”

North’s eyes shake and he takes a deep breath in deciding to fake something. “I just have been sleeping roughly. Theta and I, we get a lot of pent up energy. He’s a kid after all. You know how we’re all like when kids. Endless energy.”

York looks away a moment then turns back. Looking at those tired bags that have only gotten worse with time. “I actually was more thinking. You could help me with something.. Since well you’ve gotten a better grip on AI intrusive thoughts.”

North tilts his head. “Oh?”

York takes a deep breath. “Delta off line for an hour please. I gotta talk to North alone for this.” 

“Confirmed.”

North looks to Theta.

“I don’t want to go offline! Anything you tell North you can tell me!” Theta says half panicked.

North puts a hand under Theta and lifts him up. “Offline Theta. I’ll let you back on as soon as it's over.”

Theta crosses his arms and disperses. “Confirmed.” But he does not log off. No, he remains as silent as possible to listen in.

“Have you had the Alpha dream yet?” York asks. He’s looking down and picking at his breakfast. 

Washington fidgets in place and takes off his helmet setting it down. He looks at North who has a half crooked smile.

“Where did you hear that?”

“So that’s a yes then.”

“Should Wash even be here for this chat? We’re in the middle of the mess hall, York.”

“Wash might need this information. He’s on the implant list after all.” York rubs the back of his neck.

Washington sighs. “York has been telling me about the stuff he’s been dreaming about since you weren’t here. He left out most of the details but Delta says he remembers “The Parent AI.”

North feels a tingle in the back of his head and ignores it. “Did it get triggered by some kind of trauma? Or no I mean did something trigger the dream?”

York sighs. “It was in training. I had to choose to save Wash or Maine. It was just a test you know? To keep Delta sharp. And Delta fucking panicked.” 

North covers his mouth and then pulls his hand up over his face to his hair. “The.. The mission I was on did something similar. Theta couldn’t handle what we saw and so he dreamed up something called Alpha.”

“And then yesterday night he was talking to me about how Alpha was the key to being safe and whole.” North sighs. “I think, I think he’s scared that he’s not enough.”

There’s a sting in his brain and North ignores it further as York reaches his hand over and grips his hand.

Wash sighs out. “So what. Am I gonna be getting intrusive thoughts too if I’m implanted?”

“You might, I don’t think I’ve heard Gary and Wyoming ever having any problems. Maine just gets headaches cause Sigma over thinks.” North thinks to mention Texas and her dark greyish purple AI but. He’s still too pissed at her to dare say a thing.

He still isn’t sure where to put his mind. He’s so tired and out of control. Nothing makes sense and Theta has been acting so strange since the medical room. No further than that. Since the nightmare. “I think we should drop the subject. We shouldn’t talk about it here in the open.”

\--

It takes a week. Wyoming and Florida had tracked down CT’s location. North still isn’t sure how he feels about the implications of what they found.

Connie walking freely with no escorts on a rig. Connie moving about as if she’s not captured.

North feels like his gut is sinking realizing. She wouldn’t of saved him because she was already on someone else’s side.

Maybe he’s wrong. But there’s too many scenarios. He looks up seeing Theta glitching colours as they prod through scenario after scenario.

South throws her hands in the briefing room for the mission. “You’re NOT sending me and North to do this.” She wants nothing to do with this mission.

Carolina sighs. “I know you were close with her, South but we need all our top agents on the retrieval.”

“Have you seen North since his last mission?” South snatches North’s helmet off his head.

“South please. I’m … fine.” But everyone looks and sees how tiredly worn the agent is. “I can do this.”

They all turn away quickly. They’re all faced pointed to the map. Avoiding his ware and tear. North wonders what they all think, what they all believe about him.

No one else thinks what Nebraska had thought. Right?

He reclaims his helmet back from South. Putting it on as quickly as he can.

South scowls at him. “Tell them you’re not taking this mission, North. Tell them, Now.” She demands.

“I’m fine.”

\--

How fine was he really. As he sits in the pelican. Dropping into enemy territory. Literally in the ship. They watch Delta jump to the front of the pelican. To speak to 479er. Calculating everything to her.

North takes a deep breath in. Unlatches himself on Theta’s mark and jumps out of the plane. Landing on his feet. Ready to tear up this place. Everything is too fast and fierce.

Theta is projected calculating everything as North hurries for the high ground. He buzzes to North indicating South has landed behind him. 

“Stay behind me,” North states to his sister as he hides behind a large crate. South following suit. South grabs his arm and North looks back to her.

He gently knocks his helmet to South’s and quickly is alerted by Theta of an insurrectionist approaching.

Theta though decides it is time to kick things into gear. He pulls North’s head to the direction of the oncoming Innie and fires clean into his stomach to topple him over. He makes North back up on his legs pushing South further behind him.

Much to the sister’s dismay she had no desire to be full on damsel and despite her no desire to be here she would not be putting the full weight of it onto North. So she turns and takes out someone sneaking up behind.

“I’m getting to the high ground. Looks like we’re going to be here a long while.” North says.

And Theta takes this to slow down his perception of time. He keeps track on the scanner. Pointing North Left, Fire. Right at an angle, fire. North is taken over for a brief moment as Theta feels North’s reaction time to the oncoming innie trio is too slow.

He forces North to turn abruptly onto his back and turned back to the trio. Taking out one’s leg, a head shot, and a shoulder fire. 

South takes out the last living of the trio.

North jumps to his feet and pings to Theta. “Don’t do that again.” He says quietly to his AI.

Theta promises nothing. Not when there is so much danger here.

Luckily for the Freelancer duo, North and South. As much as Theta wished she would just fuck off. The more threatening group of Innies were focused further inland on the main group of Freelancers.

North raises his gun sniping out some stragglers on the bottom. And then there’s a pin from Carolina. Theta feels tense at the ping. She sounds scary in battle.

“We’re pinned, we need some help down here! To the East of me.”

North aims away from where he’s spotted Carolina. “I can’t get a clear shot here-”

“I don’t care. You have Theta, use him.”

North tenses and scrunches his nose under his helmet and puts his sniper away. Bouncing his hand in the air to Summon Theta’s hologram. “Theta, buddy. I need you.”

“Of course!” Theta says too eager for the chance of North calling to him for something.

“I may actually need you to guide me for this one. Hail-Mary. Can you do that?”

“I can do that plenty!” 

South looks over to them briefly as she watches North talk to his AI. She then focuses back to keeping anyone off their asses.

Theta slows his perception of time even more so. He takes over North’s full body. Taking out a portable shield and aiming over to the other platform. 

North feels his gut light up with so much glee it makes him sick. He has no idea why Theta is so excited for this. He feels his arm throw at an angle. With so much extra force it takes out a good chunk of the suit’s power.

The Shield lands and activates instantly. 

Theta stands watching in slow time one idiot aiming his gun to fire through the shield.

Blood splatters and paints the inners of it all. Theta feels something short of pleasure and delight. And a great nauseous fear that comes with feeling such a thing for a sight like that.

Theta is glitching now. As turns to let time process more quickly for him. He turns to North and then looks behind them at South. Who seems to be staring.

Theta hates staring more than anything. People are always staring these days.

There was still so much to do here. And Theta could not allow himself to be distracted for very long.


	14. Longshore and Grief

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Diary.
> 
> Am I a hypocrite. For grieving?
> 
> North Dakota

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am soo sorry. I posted this early and then had to delete cause i forgot something important.
> 
> and I'm SO sorry i vanished for as long as I did

The noise of the fight is almost too much. Theta hates how many people are here. There needs to be less people! Theta points North’s hands to the west taking out a few more soldiers. It feels sick, nauseating and good. In a horrible frightful way.

North feels his gut wrench. “It's okay, Theta. They’re no one important.” He then pings down to York and Wash. “How are you guys holding up down there?”

“Wash is dropping Maine down. Be prepared for a blood bath.” York jokes. And with that cue.

A pod breaks down into the rig. The door pops open. And Theta can see the red fires of Sigma move out of the pod first. Followed by the big man himself.

Theta bounces lightly and sinks back over to North. The rest of the team are working hard fire into the enemy.

And North pings to Theta to focus on everyone else. They gotta take out the guards up top.

Theta puffs his cheeks and looks back to Maine once more as the man had knocked the helmet clean off an Insurrectionist. Beating his head into the pavement.

Theta gets a flash of North beating in Nebraska’s face with a rock. And if Theta had a heart, it would skip a beat on him at the sight.

“Theta! Focus!”

“I am!” Theta jumps to the other side of North.

“Ugh. Why are you two so fucking weird.” South murmurs and shoots down at a few soldiers who had noticed their spot.

“South, not now.”

\--

The minutes tick on and North clears out the area to his right. He motions his hand to South and as the main team head indoors. The twins take to supporting Maine outside.

North slides down off the ramp he was on and South soon follows suit.

They only have stragglers outside now. There’s an alert for retreating. But still many of the Innie stay put ready to fight.

So if they will not leave. They have no choice. Right. Theta tilts his head projecting away from the sights of it all. There’s another crashing sound. Another pod.

North tenses seeing Agent Texas kick her way out of her pod.

“Seems I’m late. Guess that gives Carolina her head start.” She snorts. She looks silently then to North. She salutes to Maine and runs.

North raises an arm up and dammit. She was gone. Seems they overclocked themselves. But something didn’t seem really all that right. Texas was with North his whole mission. Why is she arriving late for this one? Is it all the Director’s whim?

Carolina, as number one, was never used so inconsistently.

He snaps his attention back to Maine, putting his sniper to his back and getting out his pistol. 

\--

As time cools down and the fire fight settles. Theta projects with an exhaustion. North sits with his hands to his helmet groaning just as exhausted. South comes to his side but is soon finding herself pushed aside by Maine.

Maine freezes as he realizes what he’d done and stumbles back from her.

South glares her helmet on him. And she tenses as Sigma projects to speak for his Freelancer.

“Apologies. Maine and myself are simply worried for North’s health.”

“Yeah well you can back up then. You’re not family.”

“Oh the contrary! Me and Theta are something similar to brothers.”

“Siblin-.” Theta tries to interject and simply gives up realizing he’d rather not actually think too much on being related to Sigma.

South ignores Theta’s stutter and talks over both AI. “I thought AI weren’t supposed to speak to each other.”

Maine breathes loudly out his nose. He lifts his hands to speak. 

“Like we have told Delta. We are on the battlefield. It's important to relay intell to each other in case one of us is damaged in battle. And Theta is such a delicate AI.” Sigma translates for Souths. A Little too elegantly and Maine bats at the AI.

“I’m sorry, Maine. But you speak too informally.”

South scrunches her nose under her helmet. Something seemed very wrong with that interaction.

North seemed just as unnerved. “I’m not sure I want Theta to talk to Sigma right now.”

“It's okay, North!” Though Theta doesn’t sound as convinced as he’s trying to play.

North puts his head back into his hands. Thinking too hard and too deeply. 

Theta tenses and looks back to North. 

Sigma looks to his own Freelancer and Maine nods slowly as they watch South get down on North’s level and put a hand on his shoulder.

South wants to speak softly. She has a feeling what her brother is thinking. He’s been talking about CT more since the Nebraska incident. She can’t pry more out from that. But the way North acts now. It was certainly more to it then just being shaken up by one betrayal to dealing with CT’s betrayal of them all.

South wants to say it will be alright. She wants to tell him everything will be fine. They’ll retrieve CT and then she can ask her old friend what the fuck she was thinking.

But something both North and South feel is certain is… With the rivalry between Texas and Carolina blooming into fire. There might not be a Connie left to talk to.

Theta looks towards Sigma. “I think. Maybe there’s been a mistake. We won right? We’ve gotten everyone driven out. So why is it so silent. Don’t we celebrate at this point?”

Sigma smiles softly and looks beyond Theta to North. Who lifts his head lazily. Sigma then speaks. “We were just here to retrieve armor.”

“I don’t get it then. Why is it taking so long to get her.”

North puts his hand under Theta bumping and attaching the holo to it. Moving Theta over to himself. “What do you mean?”

“We just have to ask for it right?” Theta knows its incorrect. He knows its not the easy simple answer he wants it to be for himself or North.

And with that. Carolina makes her way out of the bunker. She held herself high, but something was deeply amiss.

South looks over and before she can shout. North had stood and makes the question instead.

“Where’s Connie?” North asks. More worried then South feels is sincere. This worry was different.

South couldn’t pin what this worry meant. But she knows it's because of Nebraska.

Carolina looks to them all briefly. Silent longer then South wants her to be. It's an easy answer isn’t it?

North feels his chest tighten.

“She got away.”

North feels it's somehow a lie. The armor got away. CT… CT could never make it out alive from a brawl with Carolina and Texas at once.

Theta looks to North and stands on his shoulder. “It’s okay, North. We can look for her another day!”

North stares out into the empty air. And Theta isn’t entirely sure why he sounds so heartbroken.

“No. We can’t.”

Theta wants to ask why.

“Just shut up already, kid.” South sounds just as broken in her voice.

Theta wishes they would just explain why everyone is sad and silent when they clearly won.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I will do my best not to be vanished as long as i have. I'm gonna be trying to do more art for the fandom event this week. So I'll be on my tumblr mostly. But I'll work on beating my writers block. Its been a hard hard last few months.


	15. The Third Alter of Sleep

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sleep isn't fun any more. No one is listening. There's a childish wraith over taking us.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am SO sorry for the hiatus that took This long. I had been stuck for ages and I think I finally figured out my issue and so I'll keep this chapter short.
> 
> Warnings for implications of child predation, internal conflict. And child injury.

Sleep became less fun for Theta. North was dealing poorly with the unspoken truth about CT “getting away”.

Dealing poorly with Theta in his mind.

Theta saw all the signs to why. But there was no body. Connie had to be still alive. If they had no body then she exists, still and fully.

It's not like North was friends with her anyway.

Theta couldn't comprehend the grief. It was like. Something he had felt long ago when he wasn’t this. When he was surely an older person. Grieving. But over what?

There’s nothing to Grieve! CT was just some random woman whom North didn’t care for till she was DEAD.

North tosses and turns violently.

Theta can feel the tugging of memory. 

Those brief moments he knew of with CT. When South would bring her over and they’d jest lightly but never forming a friendship deep enough to warrant this!

Theta covers his ears. Habit from a time Theta can not recall. Theta hates it. Theta wants it GONE!

Theta starts digging at the memories. Trying to reach the Altar of Sleep in the mind scape. Some where North is surely hiding. 

And… There's a woman standing in front of him. A woman morphing and shapeless.

Till its Agent Texas standing there, glowing grey and black. Tints of wicked purple. Shaping fast once more. Trying to pick shapes. Algorthyming itself a face. A shape. An identity.

It's not Texas any more. But the figure often found with Texas. Angry and foreboding and a voice Theta thinks he’s never heard but Swears he knows way too intimately.

It reaches for him. And Theta runs.

Fast. Throwing up walls as he travels the corridor of the dream.

Till he’s deep where he’s wanted to be regardless. Deep in the Alter. 

And there is North. 

Small. Frightened. Theta knows that well. But he needs to grab North and keep running. Dreams can not be contained. They always find you. Memories and warped perspectives can not be escaped till you are awake.

And Theta doesn’t know how to wake a North who’s now so young.

North bolts his head up as Theta grabs his arm. No bigger than Theta themself. 

“We need to run!”

The walls are tearing down. The entrance to the Altar broken. And stands there is shifting forms. Darkness pooling into the brain. 

North grips onto Theta and pulls him closer.

Darkness over takes.

And they’re back on Cygnin Seventeen. Nebraska with his gun pointed and that disgusting grin. That want on his tongue.

North stands, his body his grown form and shape, then blocks the path between Nebraska and Theta.

Theta scrunches his nose in anger, fear, protest. 

“I won’t let you! Get the Fuck away from us.”

“Aw. “Big brother” thinks he’s protective? I see through it.”

It sounds like Nebraska. It sounds so close but there’s a huskier tone, there’s an echo repeated.

“Shut up!”

“You wanna have him to yourself.”

There’s a figure on a hill. Texas stands there. Watching.

The image of Nebraska fires at Theta through the small window of North’s open arms to block. This isn’t fun. Dreams were supposed to be fun. Theta skids along the ground gasping for air even though he KNOWS it's not real. The panic starts to bubble in him.

“You’re disgusting North Dakota.”

Says Nebraska. And what overlaps with it at the end two voices. Texas and.. Oh god. Connie.

There’s silence and everything feels frozen in place. North hurries to Theta’s side and lifts him up.

“Shut up. Shut up!! You’ve got it wrong!” North screams, putting his hands over Theta’s wound.

Theta may know it's a dream. But North’s mind does not.

North’s mind is racing. Theta can’t just wake him up. They are so deep, North needs his mind to jolt awake. 

Theta winces. He reaches his hand up to North’s face. He watches the whirling images of darkness through the corner of his eyes.

Nebraska morphing, Texas and Connie merging to him.

And Theta sends a shock through North’s system.

Just enough to startle him awake. North bolts up in bed and pants frantically. Palms sweaty.

He cries lightly and relieved. Threading his fingers in his hair to slick back. Light slowly worked back into his eyes. Realizing they’d be left all through the night. Which is a thankful occurrence here.

Childish fears run through North’s joints and thought threads. Finally adjusting to the fact it was a nightmare. Nothing is here with him but Theta.

No demons in the night. No Texas. No Nebraska. No ghost of Connie haunting him. Judging him for his thoughts.

“Theta? Are.. are you okay?”

“I’m better now.”

\--

The Counselor sits directly opposite of North. The Head Doctor stands by Price’s side and hands him a notepad before leaving them to chat in a private office. The Counselor takes his time looking over notes and sighs. “You have been losing sleep again? Has this happened since the failure to collect Connecticut?”

North stares at the floor letting the world on it bloom into life briefly as he imagines the flooring with moving pictures. Which is suddenly disrupted as the Counselor taps on his notes to jog the focus back into North.

“I’m sorry. I’m not like this on missions. I promise!” North rubs the bridge of his nose. “I just. I have been having some pretty awful dreams.”

“I’ve noticed those themselves have been constant since the Theta AI implantation.”

“Theta’s not at fault! He’s just scared.”

To that to help prove North’s point. Theta projects to the right and infront of North. “I woke North before any night terrors got worse. So yes, I am partially to blame for little sleep.” Theta crosses his data arms. Glitching through himself.

“Theta.” The Counselor says softly. “It is good to see how much progress you have accomplished to come out unprompted.” He pauses. “How ever.. I would ask you limit your interruptions till you are called to.”

Theta scoffs static. “I came out before prompting because if I don’t. You do that face of pity you do to guilt North enough till I come out.”

“Face of pity?”

“The one you’re doing right now!”

“Theta, I do not have that sort of face. I am not trying to guilt anyone.”

“Liar.”

North takes his hand and lazily bumps it under Theta’s hologram to attach and brings him back over. “Theta, it's okay. I’m okay.”

“It is NOT.” Theta huffs. “I see this every time we’re here.”

The session goes without much help. Without much reassurance. Theta makes his arguments. That the Counselor Price is doing little to actually help. Why can’t they have a proper therapist on board.

It receives no answer. And the rest of the hour is spent mostly calming the small AI down. And make more empty promises of it all getting easier as time goes on.

North almost snarls to the prospect and keeps his mouth shut.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope It won't be this long again for the next chapter. However I can make no promises.

**Author's Note:**

> With NUSW slowly reaching an end. I decided to start picking up another long fic to prepair for that empty space. What born forth was a fic about well.. a lot of touchy subjects.
> 
> See a few months back i ended up with alot a flashbacks to my trauma. And i spent three months on another fic to help myself get over that hill. But sadly i've hit myself with another. 
> 
> This fic is an outlit to release trauma and allow myself a safe haven to heal. I and so i'll be taking some time to work on both Not Unlike Snow White and this current fic. But I will hopefully have priorities on NUSW.
> 
> If not and I'm hit with inspiration you might see this updated quickly.


End file.
